Agency

The amazing blessing of agency has been on my mind a lot lately. Through this trial I am learning the importance of this gift that we all have. We have, in our power, the opportunity to make any decision and perform any act that we desire. Every moment of every day we use our free agency.

Sadly, in the past, I used my free agency to make bad decisions. I used this God given power to give in to the temptations of the world. Did God send some angel to me to stop me from making these decisions? No. That is why this gift is so POWERFUL. God allows us to make decisions for ourselves. He will send his spirit, he will make attempts to help us make the right decision, but it ultimately comes down to us. Thankfully, because of God's immense love for me, I have made the choice to follow him. Was it the easy choice? No it was not. It would have been easier to give up, to give in, to allow Satan to completely destroy me. It would be easier not to face this head on, not to repent, not to allow pain and anguish to fill my soul. It would be easier to run away and fill my life with worldly pleasures and cover up how I truly feel. It would be easier to blame someone else, be angry and bitter, and give in to the relentless attack from the adversary on my mind and soul. It would have been easier to give in to the naysayers, the put downs, and the condemning words of others. But I got on my knees, pleaded with God for his help, and have made the hard decision to change. I will tell you that as soon as you use your agency to make the decision to change something negative about your life, the Lord will manifest himself to you in ways you never thought possible. It is hard work and oh man is it painful. You will struggle and fight. You will sink to the depths and rise to the top. But your agency will have been used for good and you will begin to see change. Change that is essential. Change that is eternal.

I have a long road ahead of me still. I have obstacles on my path that will still test all of my spiritual and mental strength. My path to change is not an easy one. But it is worth it. It is so worth it. When I held my kids and squeezed them tonight I felt a love inside of me that changed me just a little more. When I took an experience that happened this week that could have set me way back and caused me immense pain, I faced it with hope and faith and I changed a little more. That's what using your free agency for good can do for you! I know that God is ready and willing to bless us as we use our agency to follow him and his Son. Anything is possible with the Savior. Anything. But we have to be willing to use our agency to make the right decision and face whatever it is that we have in front of us. No matter how hard it will be, it is always worth it to use our agency to make the right decision.

I know that God loves each and every one of us. He loves us so much he allows us to have our own free agency so that we can learn to rely on him to make the right decisions. And when we use that gift to make bad decisions, big or small, we can use that same gift to make the decision to follow the Savior and repent and change. Don't be afraid to take that step. Learn from my mistakes and make the decision NOW to change. Don't wait. More happiness is waiting for you. Your Heavenly Father is waiting for you. Change is waiting for you.

Someday, somehow, we will understand why things happen the way they do. We will understand why we have gone through certain trials or had certain experiences. We will have a clear understanding. In the mean time our free agency is a gift we can all use to do what is right, no matter how hard, and find peace and happiness in a world of turmoil and anger. I know this to be true.