Choose To Be Grateful

Has it really been this long! I have been a slacker. I will blame it on the busy holidays :)

I have been thinking about a new post for a couple weeks now and what keeps coming into my mind is the need to be grateful. This Christmas season has allowed me to reflect on the many things in my life that I NEED to be grateful for. I have had some rough days lately. A lot of up and down. I have been searching for peace. I have found that when I ponder on all of the things I am grateful for I feel the most peace. I sometimes forget that God wants me to feel peace and happiness and most of the stress and sorrow I feel is because of my lack of gratitude. I allow negative and sad thoughts to control my mind and neglect the positive and grateful thoughts. I believe that this is key to our peace and happiness.

A lot of my struggles come from my own mind. The battle against ourselves always seems to be the most exhausting and stressful. My struggle with myself comes from my past. I have made some bad decisions and from time to time I still beat myself up. I read a quote from Elder Faust that has really helped: "All of us have made wrong turns along the way. I believe the kind and merciful God, whose children we are, will judge us lightly as He can for the wrongs we have done and give us the maximum blessing for the good we do. Alma's sublime utterance in Alma 9:26 seems to be an affirmation of this." I don't believe this is saying that if we make mistakes we won't have consequences or trials. But I do believe that God, who is our Heavenly Father, wants us to forgive ourselves and bless us as we recognize our mistakes and change. He loves us with an eternal love which allows him to forgive, be merciful, and bless us even when we go astray. He waits, every day, for us to come to Him.

I am grateful for a new year and new opportunities. I see so many things in my life that I need to do better. One of them is to be more grateful, and share that gratefulness with others. Even with the mistakes I have made I am alive, healthy, have the necessities of life, 2 amazing children, amazing friends and family, and a stronger relationship with my Savior. I guess I am living proof that God loves ALL of us. Even when we make wrong turns.

I know this to be true.

Progression

I have been thinking a lot about progress and personal worth lately. Today I came across this quote that that talks about our progression and God. "For He regards men not as they are merely, but as they shall be...as they are now growing, or capable of growing, toward that image after which He made them that they might grow to it. Therefore a thousand stages, each in itself all but valueless, are of INESTIMABLE WORTH as the necessary and connected gradations of an infinite progress."

We all go through different stages and trials in life, all of which help us to grow and become better. We will not, in this life, fully understand the necessity of certain trials and stages of life. The best solution is to learn from them and improve. Love life and embrace it. No matter how hard it can be at times.

Thanksgiving

It has been too long since I wrote but what better day than Thanksgiving :) It has been a great day for me and my kids. My whole family is in town and I have been able to spend some precious time with them and my kids. I feel very blessed and humbled as I ponder the many blessings I have.

I have mentioned before that one thing I struggle with is being WAY too hard on myself. As we go through trials it is hard not to be selfish and think only of ourselves because we are hurting or struggling. The times that I have pondered my many blessings and shifted my focus to gratitude have helped me to overcome negativity and think of others. Of course, as we struggle through our imperfections and trials, we need to focus on our personal growth. We need to give time to ourselves so that we can change, learn, and grow. But what better way to do that then by showing gratitude and loving others. The more we can shift our focus away from our problems and focus on the positive, the more we can grow. I'm not saying to brush things under the rug and avoid our problems. I'm saying that even when we are going through the most difficult trials, we can find so many things to be grateful for.

I love my Savior. I love my kids. I love my family and friends. I love the simple things in life we are provided with that help bring peace and comfort. Beds, clothes, food, nature, running water, and so on and so on. I am truly blessed and grateful. One of the greatest blessings that we can all partake of every day is the miracle of the Atonement. We can all be cleansed and healed through the Atonement of our Savior. The list of blessings can fill many pages, but at the top of that list is the Atonement. The Atonement encompasses everything. I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who cares for us all individually.

I feel the need to say that NO MATTER the trial you face, no matter what you have done or what has been done to you, the Atonement will heal you. On this day of Thanksgiving I give thanks to my God, for He has provided us all with a way back to Him. As we move into December and the Christmas season, I give thanks for the ultimate gift: Our Savior.

I need to try and live everyday like it is Thanksgiving because everyday I am alive is another day I can improve, change, and grow. I have so many things I want to type right now but knowing me it will just turn into a jumbled mess. I will call it good for the night and leave with this thought: Giving thanks is not just simply acknowledging something good in your life, it is allowing that something to help you change and become better.

Forgive Yourself

I struggle immensely with forgiving myself. I beat myself up pretty bad. It is like a boxing match sometimes and I am constantly getting knocked down. You can't avoid guilt and sorrow for sin. Those feelings will come and they are necessary for change and repentance. But beating ourselves up for our past is a common tool used by the adversary to keep us down. We, for the most part, are very hard on ourselves and we all need to STOP! Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel but do not allow yourself to be unforgiving.

The adversary wants to keep us down. He wants us to suffer and be depressed. He does not want us to feel the good fruits of repentance and change. The more we hate ourselves the harder it will be to progress. Get on your knees and pray for the ability to forgive yourself and feel that comfort. I know that it is a challenge. I have such a hard time with it. I just tear myself apart sometimes and it is not healthy. God loves us so much and is ready and willing to help. Yes, we need to feel sorrow and we need to feel pain. But we cannot allow ourselves fall into despair and sadness because we cannot forgive ourselves.

I know how hard it can be. I still struggle with it. But I know that as we turn our hearts and thoughts to God and strive to do whats right, we will begin to feel that forgiveness of ourselves. We don't need to be so hard on ourselves and it is ok to recognize the good things that we do and remember that we are good people. Even with the heavy burden of sin, addiction, or physical ailments, we can know that as we strive to change and repent we can feel forgiveness come over us and be confident that we are choosing the right. And if sometimes it feels like no one cares and you are unhappy with yourself, know that God loves you and He wants what is best for you.

Forgive yourself so that you can be free.

Rough

You will have rough days like today. Keep your head up and push through. Focus on the positive and on those things that will bring you closer to God. Learn what you can and know that tomorrow is a new day. Don't give up, no matter how hard it is.

Perspective

I am grateful that I have found a few minutes to write down some thoughts. I am enjoying a bowl of Kashi cereal after a nice shower. Small and simple pleasures like this can really help put things in to perspective. That is what is on my mind. But first I want say again, like I have many times before, that when we go through trials our Heavenly Father uses other people to help us. I am very grateful for the people in my life that have helped me. An important thing to remember and that was hard at first, was that I needed to allow the help to happen. I can promise you that if you are going through a trial, and you allow people to help you, it will bless your life and theirs. It is part of God's amazing plan for us that He puts other people in our paths. Do not shy away from people's efforts to help. When you do this you will be blessed and you will feel strengthened. And you will begin to see ways that you can help others as well.

Now on to perspective. How often in our lives do we lose proper perspective? How often do we allow the events of life make us lose focus? How often do we get discouraged and down amidst our struggles? I have been thinking a lot about that lately because I struggle with it immensely! Through my trial I have lost the proper perspective at times and it has caused me unnecessary heartache and pain. Distracting us and discouraging us are some of Satan's greatest tools! The more miserable we are the harder it will be to overcome and progress. This is exactly what we need to avoid and fight against. We need to fight to keep a proper perspective. How do we view things? What do we believe in? What do we know to be true? These are questions we need to ask ourselves as we deal with struggles, temptations, and difficult trials.

It is important to remember and face the fact that we all have struggles. We all have weaknesses. Try not to beat yourself up! Face your weaknesses head on and remember to stay positive. Do not run from your struggles. Do not run from how things really are. You will end up running in circles. I have had to face my trial head on because it is the only way to overcome. True change comes through keeping proper perspective and making consistent good decisions.

As you go through your trial remember that as you struggle through it, God is preparing you for something better. Keep your head up. Look towards God. Pray to Him and ask for help to see things as they really are and for the strength to endure. Consequences for our actions happen every day. If you are struggling due to consequences of your own actions or the actions of others, know that that is how God intended it to be. So we can learn and grow and change. He wants us to rely on Him and strive to become more like Him. Try to keep that positive perspective and remember all of our trials will be for our benefit if we allow them to and if we keep focused on the eternal plan of our Father in Heaven.

I know what it is like to feel discouraged. I know how it feels to lose precious gifts. I know what it means to feel like all is lost and that there is no hope. I know the feelings of sadness, regret, pain, and desperation. Sometimes we cannot avoid these feelings. But I know that with a proper perspective, combined with faith and endurance, we can overcome and rise above our trials and become better because of it. Our Heavenly Father is waiting anxiously to help us. We have a Savior that has suffered all of our pain. Allow them and those around us to assist us as we sincerely change our lives and face our trials. Keep that PERSPECTIVE. You can make it. You can overcome. You can be happy.

I know it :)

Keep Your Head Up

Today I have been battling some negative thoughts, most of them stemming from my past. At times we battle these thoughts and they can be very difficult to handle. Spending a few days with my kids always helps me to heal and focus on my tremendous blessings. But at times, especially when they leave, thoughts of despair and sadness come over me. They are a reminder to me of a past life and "how things used to be". Although I am grateful for the tremendous trial of the past year and how it has changed me, I still suffer from the aftermath of consequences.

Today during a talk in church, the speaker shared his feelings about how devastating it would be if we were to drive and only look through the rear view mirror. Hopping on the freeway going 65 mph and only watching the rear view mirror would not last long. He related it to life and how Satan wants us to focus on our pasts. He wants us to limit ourselves to who we used to be and not who we have become or who we can be. I realized that I have a problem with this. By nature, I am very hard on myself. I tend to beat myself up and I have to work extra hard to be positive towards myself. Thankfully, through my trial, I have gained more confidence and I am getting better at overcoming this. It is very important for us to keep our heads up and focus on looking forward with faith. Life trials will always be present. They are an important part of God's plan. How we learn and grow from these trials is what counts. Life can be hard, ruthless, and overwhelming. But if we keep our heads up and rely on God, we can be happier because of our trials. That is a hard concept to grasp.

Right now, at this very moment, I am hurting. Sometimes it is unavoidable. I miss my kids, I have regrets, I wish for things that will never be again. I have hope for my future and I know that it is bright. I recognize God's blessings in my life and I am grateful for them. But today is a day where I need to tell myself to keep my head up. I cannot look back or look down. I need to look forward. "In your life their have to be challenges. They will either bring you closer to God and make you stronger, or they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take"- Elder Busche

I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is constantly allowing us to learn to rely on him. He wants us to keep our heads up and look to Him for comfort. He wants us to choose Him.

Blessings

It has officially been too long since my last post. I need to get back on my once a week schedule. I have been VERY busy lately but it has been a good busy. I want to share a few quick thoughts.

First of all, God is good and He loves all of us. I have seen many small blessings come into my life since my baptism a couple weeks ago. I think one of the greatest blessings I have received is a renewed strength to press on and keep my head up. It is such a great blessing to feel of God's love in that way. Feeling strength and determination can lift your spirit and change your attitude. Thankfully we can all feel that extra strength through our diligence. It is available to all of us if we seek it out. And even when we don't seek it out God will bless us with it sometimes! He is very involved in your life and He wants to bless you and help you.

Through my challenges I have been able to see life a little differently than I have in the past. I am trying to see the world in a more positive way. I am trying to see people in a more positive way. My baptism helped me to realize that we are all struggling through this life. We all go through painful situations. Some of us, like myself, may have caused pain. I have a greater respect for people and their individual struggles. We can all help each other! The most precious tender mercies I remember from the past year usually came from the loving thoughts or actions of others. You may not know what a smile or handshake means to someone, but to them it could change the course of their life. Never underestimate the power of doing good to others. I am so grateful for the many people who have shown me the true meaning of love, friendship, and service.

I could go on and on about the blessings that have come into my life. I could also still go on about the struggles that I face. Thankfully, my strength comes from a being that knows how to comfort me. My Father in Heaven. I believe in a living God and in his Son Jesus Christ. Although trials and hardships will inevitably come, I know in whom I trust. We can accomplish anything with Them. I am very grateful for my blessings.

Choose

Today I choose to serve the Lord and to change. In this process, I know that the Lord is with me and will lead me and guide down the right path. I am grateful for the life I have and the blessings that come from choosing to follow Christ. No matter what we face today, no matter the hardships that confront us, we can look to the future with hope and faith in Christ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Cw8I8eukaI&feature=relmfu

This is true.

A New Life

I finally have a few minutes to share some thoughts. This past weekend has been a whirlwind of emotion and was a very special time for me. On Sunday I was able to be baptized. It was a long awaited day for me and I am going to have a hard time describing the joy that I felt. Over the past year I have had this day set firmly in my mind as a goal and it was a relief to finally make it. I know that my journey is not over, but having this blessing in my life again is an incredible feeling.

I have felt inclined to share my experiences and feelings with you over the past year with the hope of being able to help. Over the past year I have gained a testimony of a very important part in God's plan. How He uses other people to help us through this life. My baptism on Sunday showed me how God truly desires His church to be. My ward that I attend is filled with the most wonderful people I have ever met. They have loved me and supported me through this trial and on Sunday they showed me what it means to serve and have charity. I was humbled and filled with gratitude as many, many people from my ward came to support me at my baptism. Enough people to fill the chapel. It was yet another life changing experience for me and I will be eternally grateful for my ward family. I love them. I would not have been able to make it to where I am today without them. I truly believe that in our times of need, God will place people in our lives and miracles will happen. We are all in this together!

I was asked on Sunday how I was able to make it to this point. The only answer that came to my mind is GOD'S LOVE. I have known from the beginning that even with the terrible decisions I made in that past that God loves me. He let me know that. He loves all of us so much. It is His love that allows us to change. His love is what sustains us and fortifies us. If we allow it, His love will by far outweigh the pain and suffering we endure during trials. I am so grateful to Him for allowing me to suffer consequences, but providing a way for me to feel peace, comfort, and strength.

My heart is full as I sit here and look back on my experiences from the last year. I want to say, once again, that God loves all of us and we all can change. I know that the Atonement is real and it can heal. I have a long road ahead of me and I will still have my challenges and trials. But I truly believe that a loving Heavenly Father has allowed me to heal and have a second chance. A new life. He has taken me from the very bottom and carried me back on to the path. I know that we all can feel this love everyday and that we all can tap into the great power of the Atonement. His plan is perfect. If we follow it, we will be blessed and we will grow and become better.

I am going to continue this blog as I press forward and move on with my life. My hope and desire is that people I come in contact with will know that I love the Lord and that I believe in change. I see the world and people in a different way today. My eyes are ready to rest for the night. Until next time.......

A New Beginning

Sunday September 25th, 2011...........

Grateful Thoughts

"When you are physically sick, tired, or in despair, steer your thoughts away from yourself, and direct them in gratitude and love towards God."

We are so very blessed.

Remember How You Felt

As we go about the trials of life it is important that we are able to remember the times our Heavenly Father has blessed us. Remembering these times can help us to make it through some of the sudden temptations or trials that come our way.

After a year of writing this blog I have been through the ultimate roller coaster of emotions. I have felt the deepest pain and some of the greatest joy. Although my trial is not over, I am grateful that I can look to my past and remember the tender mercies the Lord has blessed me with. I still have days where sadness seems to engulf me. I still have days where I don't understand why things are the way they are. I still have days where I feel like peace and happiness cannot be found. I still have days filled with regret and sorrow, wishing that people would know of my sincerity. It is during these times that I look to my Heavenly Father for answers. Many times I find those answers in the experiences of the past year. I can look back on specific times the Lord has helped me and I can know that things will work out and be ok.

Certain parts of my life right now did not turn out how I had hoped. When you put your whole heart into something and it doesn't work out how you had hoped, it is important that you remember to KEEP GOING. You may feel like giving up. You may struggle with understanding. You may feel scared or angry. But we must overcome this and know that if we keep moving forward with faith, we will reap amazing rewards from our Heavenly Father. I know that the Lord has blessed me through this trial because of where I am at today. I am certain that God lives and that Jesus is our Savior. I am so grateful for what I have learned.

I want those who read this blog to know that I am grateful for the support. I continue to hope for the chance to be able to help someone in need. I continue to hope that I might be able to help someone avoid similar mistakes. My life, in our little close knit world, has been on display for all to see. Some of that has been positive, some of it has been negative. But I would not change it now. I will not give up, I will not give in, and I will keep moving forward with hope.

I want my kids to know that I gave it my best effort. I want them to know that we ALL make mistakes and that we ALL can change. I want them to understand the amazing Atonement and how it can and will bless their lives. I want them to know and understand the consequences of making bad choices and how to avoid making serious mistakes. But I also want them to understand the consequences of humility and sincere desire to choose the right. I want them to know that I took this head on, admitted my mistakes, and was able to overcome. I love them so much. I pray that I will be able to be a constant and consistent example in their lives. They have been my angels.

Moving forward I will be able to look at how the Lord has blessed me and find strength. I know that He is waiting to help all of us no matter our circumstances. Never give up in your pursuit to be better and to overcome your trials. It is well worth the FIGHT. God bless you all.

Matt

Support

"For I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day."

I am learning more every day that we will be faced with trials and afflictions almost constantly. Large or small, our trials can cause a lot of stress, heartache, worry, and fear. We NEED support in order to make it through, and our most reliable support will come through our faith and belief in a loving Heavenly Father. Life does not always turn out how you may want it to. But I do know that we can be happy with whatever comes our way if we put our trust in God. My life is completely different then it was a year ago. It has been a difficult road. But I KNOW that Heavenly Father and our Savior love all of us and that we can be happy and find peace amidst our trials.

We must not give up in our efforts to follow the commandments of our loving Heavenly Father. Although the road may be rough and challenging, there is no lasting happiness in choosing the way of the world. I love my Heavenly Father for helping me to see this clearly.

Control Your Thoughts

"As you learn to control your thoughts you can overcome habits, even degrading personal habits. You can gain courage, conquer fear, and have a happy life. -Boyd K. Packer

This is true.

Believe in yourself and go conquer.

Sacrifice

"The pain of sacrifice lasts only one moment. It is the fear of the pain of sacrifice that makes you hesitate to do it. When you are compelled to give up something, or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also, that as you are learning this lesson, God wants to give you something better."

The Past

How often do we sit and think about the past? How often do we let events of the past affect our present and future situations? The process of letting go of past mistakes or trials can be very difficult. At times our past can consume our thoughts and emotions. Dwelling on the past can seriously hinder our progress and our happiness.

If we are truly trying to change and be better, we need to learn how to focus on our present and future goals. In my case, this has been an extremely difficult process and it continues to be. Every day I am surrounded by reminders of my past. Hopes and dreams that I have had over the past months have not come to pass which add to the difficulty of letting go. My past has left some serious wounds that have been painful to face. My past has completely changed the path of my life. But no matter the price I have to pay, I will continue to do what is right and push forward.

No matter what has happened in our past, the future is bright for all of us because it is all up to us. We can choose to have the happiness and peace we desire. If we are going to let go of our addictions, our pasts, and our mistakes, we NEED to choose to do it! Once we have sincerely made that choice we can begin to let go of the past and begin seeing how bright our future can be. It will be very hard to do this but it can be done and it is worth it. Choosing to let go of the past and choosing the path of our Savior can be very hard because of the pain that comes with facing our past. This pain is what leads to our happiness. It is necessary for us to truly change. I KNOW that it is so hard to do this. But I know that it is worth it.

We have to believe in ourselves. We can learn from our pasts but we don't have to dwell on them. We need to believe in our ability to change and we need to know that what we have done in the past does not mean that we need to stay that way! I am grateful to be able to share my experiences because I have seen the love of God in my life and I know that he loves all of us. He wants us to let go of the past and move forward with faith. He is patiently waiting for us to make that decision so that He can help us. No matter where you are at in your life, you can decide to let go and start making the right decisions. The pain is worth it because it is always followed by joy when we choose the right. We cannot change our past but we can change how we deal with it and how we live our lives moving forward.

Progress

There is nothing in this life that will come our way that we can't handle as long as we have faith in a loving Heavenly Father. Last week I spent a few days down in Escalante backpacking with some young men from my church ward. It was an amazing experience and I was able to relate many of the experiences I had there to the trials and hardships of life. I was impressed with the quality of these young men and I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for this trip with them.

As we hiked through the narrow slot canyons, down a river, and up the sides of mountains I thought a lot about our journey through life. Our last hike was probably the most memorable. It was the end of a long day and the last 2.5 miles were up a mountain. It was 98 degrees and we were running low on water. From the bottom of the mountain, the trek back seemed daunting. As we began the hike I even found myself having the thought "I can do hard things, I can do hard things." Sometimes as we are struggling through the uphill battles of life we have to reassure ourselves that we can do hard things. We need to constantly be moving forward with faith, with a determination to make it to our destination. Typically I would say it's never good to look back but when we made it to the top of the mountain it was an amazing feeling to look back at where we started. As I look back at the uphill battle I have faced, I am amazed to see where I started. It is a good feeling to see progress! We need to allow ourselves to see our improvements and where we have grown! But the feeling I remember most as I looked back from the top of the mountain is how much a loving Heavenly Father has helped me along the way. He has given me strength and courage. He has lifted me up. I would be stuck at the bottom somewhere if it wasn't for Him. I love my Heavenly Father.

My particular uphill battle is not finished. I still have other mountains to climb. Life seems to be a continuous uphill battle. But we can progress! We can push forward with faith. We can give ourselves a pat on the back everyone once and a while and then keep moving. Our Heavenly Father knows how difficult life can be. He KNOWS. He also knows how to help us! We are not alone in our struggles. I know without a doubt that God loves us, and he knows we can't be perfect so he wants to see PROGRESS. He wants to see us climbing life's mountains with courage and faith in Him. And he will be there every step of the way. We can all feel the joy of progress in our lives. We also can all feel the gentle guidance from a loving Heavenly Father, especially when our mountains seem overwhelming.

I want anyone who reads this to know that they have a Heavenly Father who lives and loves them. His love is eternal and pure. He knows you and your struggles. He is real and he desires for you to return to Him. He will help you PROGRESS. Do not fear your mountains. Climb them!

Do Good

I was reading in the scriptures recently and it spoke about "doing good continually" and that if we did so we would receive many spiritual rewards. As I look back over the past months I will say that choosing to do good was not the easy choice. At the time my mistakes completely destroyed my life and hurt many others. I will never try to justify my actions or make excuses. But there was a moment, a very distinct moment, where I had to choose what path I would take. Taking the worldly path and giving up would have been EASIER at the time. Thankfully I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and put things in place to help me make the right choice. And that choice was to DO GOOD.

Doing good continually is not easy but I do believe that it becomes easier as we experience failure and success. The more good we do the easier it becomes and the more we recognize the Savior in our lives. The road to change is not an easy one. When you are going down the wrong path it is as if you are running down a steep hill and as you continue down it you pick up speed. Many times our lives come to a screeching halt at the bottom of the hill. This can be referred to as "rock bottom". If we allow ourselves to get to this point, our lives and our souls are in serious jeopardy. But we still can make a choice, even when we hit rock bottom. We can either stay at the bottom and bury ourselves or we can choose to do good and begin the long journey back up the hill. I will tell you, that even though the journey back is difficult, it is the RIGHT choice. It is the choice that we all must make. Whether we have fallen down a little hill or a huge mountain, we need to choose to do good continually. The Lord will provide the necessary assistance and we are never alone.

I know that life is hard at times. I know that many people struggle with many different things. I know that many of us have fallen and fallen hard. But I also know that we can turn around, face our demons, and choose to do GOOD. We can make it back from anything. It takes strong determination and a sincere effort but it can be done. Satan will be relentless in his attempts to destroy us. We will be fighting a battle. A difficult battle. A never ending battle. But we can win the battle every day by doing good and doing it sincerely. We will find peace and we fill find strength. We will find truth and we will find love. We will inevitably trip up or fall down on our journey back, but we will get right back up and continue forward to our destination.

I hope and pray that my experiences can help people on their individual journeys. I hope that my mistakes can be used for good, to help people to choose good. I hope that my experiences may help others avoid the same mistakes. I hope and pray those that I have hurt may come to know that I am sorry and that I have chosen to do good.

Although there are consequences, and at times severe consequences for our mistakes, it is never to late and it is always better to make the right choice. You can be healed, you can overcome, and you can DO GOOD.

You Can Do Hard Things

Stop beating yourself up. You are a good person. Don't let negativity and doubt control your thoughts. The only way you can learn to love again is if you learn to love yourself. You can do hard things and come out on top. Don't beat yourself up anymore. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you can do it and that you are a child of God who can do anything with His help. He loves you and cares about you and believes in you. Believe in yourself. Be confident. Be strong. Don't beat yourself up.

Trials And Triumphs

I just finished an enjoyable weekend down in St. George with friends and family. I was able to see my newest nephew for the first time. It was amazing to be able to hold his 1 week old body and feel his little spirit. My testimony of the plan of salvation and the reality of our Heavenly Father and Savior were strengthened as I watched him sleep. I have thought about the trials and triumphs that he will have in his life. He will be faced with difficulties and struggles that he will have to overcome. He will also witness many triumphs that will fortify his own testimony. He will rise and fall like we all do and will need to learn through experience.

Over the weekend I thought about how our lives are a series of trials and triumphs that shape us into who we are. We have the choice, every day, to decide how we want to be shaped. Each day we will most likely be faced with some sort of trial. How we decide to deal with that trial will shape our futures. One thing I have learned over the past months is that we need to face our trials and then replace them with something positive. Understand and realize the trial is there and then look for ways to replace it. Now this doesn't mean to run from it or sweep it under the rug but it means to really truly face it and acknowledge it's presence, and then shift your thoughts to positive reinforcement. I have found that this works very well and can be very empowering. You begin to witness many small triumphs in your life. You have triumphs that you never realized before and you begin to appreciate how often the triumphs come! It is also very empowering to prepare yourself for trials. Know that they will come and prepare yourself mentally and spiritually for them. It is never fun to feel blindsided by a trial so it is comforting to know and understand that they will come and we can be prepared to face them. Obviously we can't predict certain trials but we can do a lot to prepare ourselves.

Recently I have been presented with another trial. One of those situations where you feel like you can't catch a break! Trials can be especially hard when people who you love are involved and you wish things could be different. Thankfully, through facing my previous trials, I have learned how to weather the storm. I know that I can't control a lot of things. But I can control my reaction, my actions, and how I move forward. And of course, if I steer my thoughts toward others and away from myself, I can find peace and comfort easier.

Trials and triumphs come in many forms and vary in magnitude. We are in charge of a lot more than we realize! Our attitudes and decisions determine how we will overcome. I know that if we face our trials and then focus on our triumphs we will find peace, understanding, and comfort in our lives. Our Father in Heaven is constantly blessing us and I know that he loves each of us individually. I am grateful for the trials and triumphs we face in this life and how we learn and grow from all of them.

Don't Run

I have learned through my experiences in life that the absolute worst thing you can do when presented with a challenge or difficulty is to run from it. In the past I ran from pretty much everything. The most detrimental thing that I would run from was my mistakes. Running from my mistakes only left the door that much more wide open for Satan to come in and seize control. If we run from our problems we are not in control. We are out of control and helpless. We cannot suffer through difficulties alone. We must face them head on and be willing to do whatever it takes.

Truly facing your demons or problems can be a terrifying thing. Fear is the main influence behind running from our problems. Fear can be paralyzing. Fear helps us to justify and downplay our situation. Fear makes it impossible to change and keeps us from progressing. Running from our problems also means avoiding them. Avoiding our problems only prolongs the inevitable and the longer we prolong the more painful it will be.

In this blog I speak from my own experiences. I talk about what I truly believe in hopes that it will be able to help someone who is suffering. I have made mistakes in my life that I hope no one ever has to face. But no matter what you are dealing with there is hope and peace in facing your issue and dealing with it head on. It does not matter how small or how big the issue may be. We can FACE it. If you are running, STOP. I know that makes it sound easy but you will find no comfort in avoiding it. The consequences that I am now facing could have been avoided years ago if I had just stopped running and hiding. The pain and sorrow that I have endured would have never needed to happen. I am not only talking to those who have made mistakes but to ANYONE that is dealing with ANY issue. Face it. Ask for help, pray, endure, and you will find peace and relief.

The road to eternal life is hard enough as it is. Make it easier by facing your problems and moving forward with faith and courage to overcome anything that comes your way. I know that there is nothing you are going through that the Atonement of our Savior cannot heal. Let him heal you and ease your burdens. Don't run from the one thing that can heal you. I know this to be true.

Who Am I?

At times I have found myself asking the question "Who am I?" This is a very important question to ask yourself and to remind yourself of who you really are. We are children of a loving Heavenly Father. We are all unique and we all have defining qualities. We are all brothers and sisters and we all are blessed with a Savior. We are all great, strong, important people in our Heavenly Father's eyes. We are who we really want to be. We are what we think and how hard we work. We are blessed. And above all, WE ARE LOVED.

We need to remember that we are NOT the mistakes we have made. We are not bad people if we struggle with something. We are not lost and forgotten. We are not a lost cause with no hope. We are not held captive by sin, trials, or circumstances.

We can overcome anything. I truly believe that. I know that some things seem impossible to overcome. Some struggles have been with us for a long time. Some struggles are brought on by other people and have affected you deeply. Some struggles are within our minds while others are outward actions that are hard to control. We can have any number of struggles and trials in this life. But we are not defined by them. We are not controlled by them. We can rise above and be who we really are.

We need to be able to stand on our own two feet. We need to be able to look at ourselves in the mirror and know that between ourselves and the Lord we can make it. Yes, we have loved ones and amazing people in our lives. But we need to realize who we are so we can be strong. In those quiet moments by ourselves what are we thinking, what are we doing, how are we acting and who are we being? Many people will come in and out of our lives. Friends come and go and very few stay. We tend to disappoint each other a lot. But we need to be happy with ourselves and who we are. We need to strive to be the best we can be and help others to do the same. I'm not saying that others aren't important because they are. I have friends and family that have shown me unconditional love that have helped me in so many ways. But what I am saying is that we need to happy and secure with who we are individually. This way we are able to tackle our trials and come out victorious!

A phrase I think of often is "Decisions Determine Destiny." We can all decide right now to be who we really are and be the best we can be. We can decide to overcome, achieve, succeed, and change. We are ALL capable of amazing things. We are all destined for great things and our destiny will be determined by the decisions we make NOW. I believe this to be true.

Perspective

Today has been an interesting and challenging day. A week ago I accepted a new job with a new company. I signed the offer letter and put my 2 week notice in with the current company I work for. I felt really good about the opportunity and felt as though it was a huge blessing in my life. I was ready for the change. Today I received a phone call from the new company telling me that my offer was being rescinded. They said that it was no fault of my own but that they had some internal issues. I was devastated and of course my mind began running wild. It had been something that felt so good and would have been a big deal for me. So why is this happening? How do I react to this? I don't need another trial right now.......

There are many emotions that are running through me. As I work through this new trial I can't help but think of perspective. I could easily fall into the traps of despair, complaining, and contention. But where will that lead me? Most likely to a far worse state of disappointment and anger at the situation. It is so important that we keep our lives and the events that take place, good or bad, in proper perspective. Yes what happened today is a difficult thing but having a positive perspective allows me to see the benefits that can come from this. We must hope for the best and know that everything will be ok. Steven E. Snow said "Hope is an emotion that brings richness to everyday lives. It is the feeling that events will turn out for the best."

At the end of a challenging day it is comforting and reassuring to be able to kneel down and give thanks to a loving Heavenly Father. I know that he has our best interest at heart. I know that there are many times in life where things are just plain bad. You keep wondering when you will catch that break you have been hoping for. But if one door shuts another will open! We say that phrase all the time but do we believe it? That is where hope and perspective come in. We truly can hope for a better future. And as we go through the rollercoaster of life we can feel added peace and assurance through proper perspective of difficult trials.

I know that no matter the circumstance we can all hope for a better tomorrow. We all can endure. We all can hope in the Atonement and it's infinite powers to heal. Perspective.

Willing to Submit

Today in church I was taught about the importance of becoming as a little child. There are many qualities that a child possesses that we have a hard time keeping as we get older and experience the trials of life. Some of these qualities are humility, sensitivity, forgiveness, and pure love. But one that stuck out to me today was from a scripture. It states that we are to be "willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon us." At times it may be hard for us to consider the difficult trials we face as opportunities from a loving Heavenly Father to make us better. I don't believe that God is ruthlessly inflicting trials upon us but rather giving us the chance to prove our obedience and willingness to submit to His will.

There are so many things that happen in our life where, at the time, we do not understand why it is happening. There seems to be no explanation or logical way to put the pieces together. But if we can be as a child and humbly submit to the Lord, the understanding will come. The light will come into our life and we will have peace. It may take a long time for certain answers to come or for the trial to pass, but we can be assured that it WILL come. Many times it requires us putting our heads down and plowing through it, believing that through our faith and submissiveness we will overcome.

We cannot fear what is required of us. We cannot run from what is right. We cannot avoid that which is good because it is too hard. We must be able to submit to the Lord. One thing that I have learned through my trial is that God will not leave us comfortless and that many times he comforts us through other people. Our willingness to submit to the Lord allows him to bless us with the strength that we need and this strength can and will come through the loving kindness of those around us. This is such an amazing tender mercy that we are blessed with. In a trial and through out our lives, we must allow others the opportunity to help us and strengthen us. Try not to be ashamed of your trial and you will be surprised by how many people have either suffered the same trial or have the ability and love to truly help.

I know that as we submit our will to the will of the Lord we will be able to withstand the trials we face and find peace and happiness. We can willingly face our trials and know that we will be taken care of and that the lessons we will learn will be life changing. Everything that happens in our life has a purpose and the purpose of life is to prove ourselves worthy to return to God's presence. How grateful I am for a loving Heavenly Father that wants me back and who will help me every step of the way as I willingly submit myself to him.

Faith, Faith, and more Faith

I know that throughout this process I have talked a lot about faith. Faith in our Savior and a loving Heavenly Father. Faith in ourselves and the people in our lives. Faith that our prayers are being heard. Faith in eternal life. Faith in the power to overcome trials. Faith that no matter what comes our way, we can overcome it! We can succeed! We can change! Faith is such an amazing blessing that we have. I am so grateful for the faith that has been instilled in all of us from a loving Father in Heaven who knows how hard this life can be. Our faith can sustain us through any affliction. We need to have faith!

My life has been a whirlwind of emotions over the past 9 months. I have experienced feelings that I didn't know were possible to feel. Both good and awful. I have witnessed tender mercies that have literally changed my life. I have also witnessed pain and sorrow that has changed my life. I am still witnessing these things and now more than ever my faith is in our Savior. Remember, your struggle has already been struggled for you. Your pain has already been felt for you. Your addictions have already been suffered through. Our Savior, through His infinite Atonement has made it possible for us to overcome anything. Our faith in the atonement is our key to peace and happiness. There have been times that I have been tempted to give up. There have been times when I thought it was impossible to overcome. My mind has been tortured with thoughts of despair and anguish, leaving me feeling hopeless and alone. But through these difficult times faith has sustained me. Faith that somehow, someway the Savior can get me through this.

My faith is still so weak. How many times do we find ourselves worrying about the same things over and over again? How often do we find ourselves forgetting the blessings we have and how Heavenly Father has helped us in the past? My faith needs to be stronger! I need to cast out all fear and move forward in faith and hope. I want so badly for anyone who comes across this blog to know that the Savior lives and that we can have faith in the Atonement. Have faith that no matter how long it takes or how difficult it may be, we will make it! Everything will be ok if we have faith! The future is bright and our future must be filled with FAITH.

Abhorrence

Abhorrence is defined as "a feeling of extreme repugnance or aversion; utter loathing; abomination." In Alma 13:12 it states that the people who had been sanctified by the Holy Ghost "could not look upon sin save it were with abhorrence." I have been thinking a lot lately about how I view sin and the effects of sin on our happiness and ultimately our salvation. I have seen and felt very strongly the effect of sin. I know that it is a feeling that I utterly loathe. But how can we have so much abhorrence for sin that we completely avoid it? Does it take us feeling the guilt and pain of sin for us to abhor it?

What I have gone through over the past 8 months, and what I continue to go through, has made me have an absolute abhorrence towards sin. Although I have learned lessons that have changed my life, the pain and sorrow I have felt is not something I ever want to feel again. Sometimes, because of our own bad choices, we have to learn the hard way. But I believe that we can avoid the pain and sorrow of sin, especially major sin, if we decide right now to look upon it with abhorrence. View it as something that we loathe and despise. I testify to you that the pain and the sorrow that follows major sin is not worth it. Although we need to learn from mistakes and sins, we can avoid so much heartache by simply deciding beforehand to make the right decision. Pray for the ability to look upon sin with abhorrence. Pray for the temptations of the devil to be obvious and to be able to look the temptations straight on and say NO. We can decide right now to do as the Prophet Joseph Smith said and "overcome the evils of our lives and lose every desire for sin."

Now I know that we cannot be perfect. But we can strive for it. We will make mistakes, but we can become better. We can avoid the major mistakes by loathing the very thought of them and by focusing on our Savior and his teachings. I want to be able to share my experience with others to help them know that wickedness truly never brings happiness. There is no happiness in the plan of Satan. He desires us to be miserable. He desires us to be evil. Avoid the mistakes that I have made by deciding right now to hold to the rod and never let go. Fight your temptations head on without fear and say no. And if you have made big mistakes there is hope. There is so much hope and peace awaiting you if you willingly and with humility come before the Lord and lay your life at His feet. He can heal all of our spiritual wounds. He can take on our burdens. He is the answer. I know that the Savior lives and he loves us. There is no escape from the consequences of sin. But there is a way back. You can be forgiven. You can feel peace and happiness. The Atonement of our Savior is the answer. I know this to be true.

Positive

Ok folks I know it is late but until I get some thoughts down I won't be able to sleep. I am restless and need to express some feelings. It helps to calm me down. I am sure we all have had many nights like this and writing down thoughts is often the best remedy.

I am really trying hard to stay positive. Having a positive attitude is so important to our life experience. Coming to grips with reality and the difficulties of life is a struggle on it's own. Keeping a positive attitude through it all is a whole new ball game. Is it crazy to think that no matter the hardship or trial we are facing that we can still find many reasons to be positive? No it is not crazy. In fact I think that these difficult experiences can help us find MORE reasons to be positive. I really need to focus my prayers on asking for the strength to be more positive and give thanks continually.

Be positive my friends. Our lives are wonderful journeys. Just writing these words down has calmed my soul and reminded me of the many things I can be positive about. The greatest is the love of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They love us all so much and the opportunity to return to them is such a POSITIVE reinforcement. Everything will be ok in the end and there is no reason for throwing in the towel. We can do it and we can be positive along the way. Positivity is God's way of saying that we can do this. I know this to be true. Good night.

Fasting

Today I took the opportunity to fast. Fasting has been a principle that I have grown to love over the past months. As I have showed my faith in the Lord through fasting, he has blessed me with answers and tender mercies. I believe, that if we are to make it through this life of struggle and hardship, fasting is essential to our survival.

The principles and commandments of the Gospel of Jesus Christ are given to us to help us reach our ultimate goal of eternal life with our Father in Heaven. But in large part, the principles and commandments are set before us to test our faith. We have a loving Heavenly Father who knows what is best for us. He knows that a principle such as fasting will help us to return to Him. He is ready and willing to bless us as we sacrifice our bodies through fasting. It is our faith in the principle of fasting that allows it to work. Our faith is what the Lord is looking for. He wants to know that we believe in his teachings, have faith in them, and will live them. Fasting is an amazing gift we have been given to increase our faith, overcome adversity, and receive answers to prayers. I am so grateful for the principles of the Gospel and how they bless our lives. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for his love and compassion for his children.

I say these things because it is as if I am learning them all over again. I think that many of us get to points in our lives where we need to relearn some of the principles of the Gospel. We may forget or overlook the importance of certain principles. I am grateful that my Heavenly Father loves me so much that he is willing to teach me over and over again. He is willing to help me, no matter how many times, to become a true disciple and follower of Jesus Christ.

As I push through this trial I can't help but think of the true purpose behind what we each personally struggle with in this life. Why do we really go through these extremely hard trials? What is it that we really are supposed to be learning? Although there are many reasons, one reason I believe to be near the top is this: We are to take what we have learned from our trials and use it to help and serve others. We all can help another person. We all can use what we have learned to bless another life. And THAT is what the Lord wants! He wants to use us to help his other children. Even if we are in the midst of something terrible, we can reach out to a brother or sister and love them and help them. The plan of our Father in Heaven is so wonderful and we can all help each other along the way. I know that the struggles of this life are difficult. I know that at times we may feel lost, scared, or maybe even faithless. We may try to run from our trials, sweep them under the rug, or deny that they even exist. But we, at some point in time, will have to face them and make a decision. I know that if we decide right now to face our challenges, get on our knees and plead with the Lord, and put to work His principles, we will begin a journey of true change. We can do it. We can make it through. We can succeed. I know this to be true.

Tender Mercies

I feel the need to leave one more post before I go to bed. I just watched this video for the 100th time and I want to share it. I watch it on a regular basis to remind myself that the Lord is very active in my life and I feel it through His tender mercies. He loves us all so much. His tender mercies are abundant. I love Him with all of my heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3B4El4B9LVw&feature=relmfu

Mother

I had to write a quick post and give thanks to my mother and all of the mothers who have influenced my life. My mom is a rock. She has the faith that can move mountains and she never will give up on her children. She is an example to me of love and compassion. I am so grateful to her for her life and her dedication to her children. How lucky we are to have motherly influences in our lives. I am grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who has provided us with such amazing women to be our mothers. So often I take my mom's love for granted and she is still there to for me. She is the greatest.

Love you Mom.

Friends

I will forever be grateful for the friends in my life. I will be grateful for how much service has been rendered to me by them and how they have stood by me. I will also be grateful for my friends allowing me to serve them, which has blessed me very much. Marvin J. Ashton said this:

No greater reward can come to any of us as we serve than a sincere "thank you for being my friend." When those who need assistance find their way back through and with us, it is friendship in action. When the weak are made strong and the strong stronger through our lives, friendship is real.

I believe in true friendship and how it can bless our lives. I believe that we can be a friend to anyone. I believe that if we are struggling with a trial, no matter how severe, reaching out to someone and being a friend will help heal you. We are all suffering in one way or another. We are all in need of a friend at times. Someone who will sincerely show love and affection during a time of need. It is such an amazing feeling to not only have a true friend but also BE a true friend to others. I have a lot of catching up to do when it comes to being a true friend but I am grateful for the opportunities I have every day to be a friend. I am grateful to the many experiences I have had where a friend showed me love at the exact time I needed it.

Our greatest friend of all is our Savior. He was and is a friend to all. He will never fail us or betray us. He is our great example. I give thanks to Him and the friends in my life.

Thank you.

Confidence

Confidence is defined as "full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing". As we go through life and experience trials, our confidence in ourselves and others will be tested. If you are going through a trial it is important to ask yourself some questions to determine where you stand. Do I believe that I am powerful enough to overcome this? Do I trust myself? Can I and will I be a reliable person? Do I truly believe that I can make it through this and be better because of it?

These are important questions to ask yourself and it is even more important to put them to the test. You truly need to examine yourself and what it will take for you to overcome. Your level of confidence may be very high or it may be very low but determining it is key. And once you determine it, it is time to take action. You need to be ready to do whatever it takes to get your confidence in yourself to where it needs to be.

The amazing thing about the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ is that no matter where your confidence level is at, the Savior is there to be the difference. You can have complete confidence in Him as you search and strive for confidence in yourself. He will lead you and guide you through your battles and as your confidence in Him increases, your personal confidence will grow.

We are not perfect people. We make mistakes. Some small and some very big. We are presented with trials of all different kinds. All too often it feels like when one trial ends another one comes. Life is full of trials. But when we have caused a trial in our life and in the life of others it can be devastating to ones confidence. When you feel guilt and sorrow for your actions it is very difficult to have any confidence in yourself. As we suffer through a trial such as this, it is imperative that we have confidence. Trust in yourself and in the Lord that you can do whatever is necessary to repent, change, and forgive. Make the decision to sincerely change and then move forward with confidence in yourself and in the Lord. He will bless you and pour His love out upon you. I know this to be true and I am so grateful for a loving God who has provided a way for us to be healed from any trial that we are faced with.

The road will not be easy. You will not have all the answers. There will be roadblocks of confusion, doubt, fear, anger, and sadness. But we can be CONFIDENT in ourselves as children of God and CONFIDENT in our Savior that we will succeed. We can feel happiness and peace. It will be HARD. But it is worth it.

Confidence is key. You can do it.

Be Still

I have been pondering what I should write about today and I am having a hard time deciding. So I will just start typing. This past week has been a whirlwind of emotion. Sadness and despair have been attempting to bring me down and I am in the midst of something that has been weighing on me very heavily. My mind feels like my enemy as I struggle to understand the trials of life. Although I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and that he is in charge, it can still be hard to keep proper perspective when you are faced with multiple challenges at one time. The term "when it rains it pours" is very true at times and it can be a struggle opening the umbrella.

Sometimes things happen in our life that don't have an explanation. No matter how hard you try to find one, the explanation eludes you. You may find yourself getting caught up in the difficulty of your trial and your emotions seem to control you. Even when you are trying so hard to do those things to overcome, there is a lingering sadness that you cannot seem to get rid of. There are actions we can take to overcome this such as prayer, scripture study, service, and repentance. But in many circumstances our sadness won't immediately go away and what is required most is faith and patience.

Many times we are allowed to suffer, even though we may not understand, so that we can learn and grow and strengthen our faith. Maybe we will find the explanation or maybe we won't. But what we need to find and what we will certainly find is our Savior. He asks us to be still and and know that He is there. He pleads with us to come to Him. He promises comfort and it will come, even if the sadness lingers. Learn from the difficult emotions you are feeling. Allow them to change you. Pray for the ability to do God's will. Pray for what is right to happen in your life. Be around those people that lift you up and help you be happy. Try to be positive. Focus on others and not on yourself. Be still, and the Lord will comfort you.

I say these things today because I need to hear them so much right now. I need to know and understand this more than ever. My heart is aching and my spirit is being tested. At times I feel as though I am being pushed to the very edge of my limits. My emotions and tears are front and center. But I do know that I will find comfort and that peace will come. Faith and patience will prevail. Stay the course. The Savior lives.

Be still.

Never Give Up

Just a quick thought from an Apostle of the Lord:

"The challenges you face, the growth experiences you encounter, are intended to be temporary scenes played out on the stage of a life of continuing peace and happiness. Sadness, heartache, and disappointment are events in life. It is not intended that they be the substance of life. I do not minimize how hard some of these events can be. When the lesson you are to learn is very important, trials can extend over a long period of time, but they should not be allowed to become the confining focus of everything you do. Your life can and should be wondrously rewarding. It is your understanding and application of the laws of God that will give your life glorious purpose as you ascend and conquer the difficulties of life. That perspective keeps challenges confined to their proper place—stepping-stones to further growth and attainment." Richard G. Scott

I know this to be true. Never give up and endure to the end.

Rainy Days

This is more of a reminder for me. Life is a roller coaster. One day can be the ultimate high the next can be the ultimate low. We will have rainy days. We may have rainy weeks or even rainy months. But happiness and peace is possible if you rely on the Savior. And you know what, if you need to cry it out for a while and let out your emotions than do it. Get on your knees, let it out, get up and move forward with faith. Patience through your trials will make you stronger. You may want something so bad your heart aches. You may not understand why things are the way they are. But it will be OK if you ask the Lord to help you do his will and put faith in Him. Rainy days will come. But the sun can shine through the rain. Just keep going.

Easter

Easter has brought with it a lot of thought and reflection. I have had my sweet kids with me for the weekend and we have enjoyed our time together. Although Easter is a celebration of our Savior, it is fun to watch easter egg hunts and laughing children. They bring so much joy into my life and I thank my Heavenly Father every day for the opportunity to be a father.

There are two phrases that I am trying to live by. "One day at a time" and "God is in charge." Certain events in my life lately have helped me to realize how important it is that we remember this. Our lives are a constant progression with ups and downs and hardships and triumphs. At times, we want so badly for things to work out in a certain way. We may pray for it or focus on it a lot. We may want time to move faster or be able to skip necessary steps. But the Lord has a plan for all of us and he really is in charge. Our decisions definitely can help determine the outcome but it is all in God's time frame. Each day is a gift and an opportunity to become better. As we strive to do what is right, God will lead us down the right path. Sometimes it is very hard to have this faith. It can be difficult to completely rely on Him. But it will all work out in the end. One way or another, our lives will be great as long as we endure to the end and we use the Atonement constantly in our lives.

An incredible person in my life told me that "God misses us and one day at a time we'll get closer to succeeding at life and make it back to Him." Focus on the positive. Focus on living a Christ-like life. Focus on helping others and being the best you can. Realize and admit your shortcomings and weaknesses. Ask God for forgiveness constantly. I am so grateful for Easter Sunday, the Atonement and Resurrection, and living angels that are in my life. I have so much more to improve on and to accomplish. I know that I have challenges and struggles ahead of me. But this is my comfort and motivation:

One day at a time. God is in charge.

A Full Heart

Today was a day that I can honestly say that I felt like my heart was full. We had a ward conference today and it was focused around the Atonement. It really touched me as I heard testimonies of the sacrifice that our Savior has made for us. He not only atoned for our sins but our pains, afflictions, infirmities, trials, and sicknesses. He suffered for ALL men. Every single one of us will need access to the Atonement throughout our lives. Whether it is for a major sin, a death of a loved one, a sickness, or a wayward child. We constantly need the healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Over the past 7 months I have experienced guilt and pain that is hard to describe. I have spent many nights alone with my tormented thoughts. I have had daily if not hourly reminders of my past and mistakes that I have made. I have been so overwhelmed with grief I have at times wondered if I had anything at all I could offer. But through it all I have felt the redeeming power and love of the Atonement in my life. It is real. The Savior lives. Our Father in Heaven lives and they desire for us to be happy and have peace of mind. We all can feel this power. We all can put our pasts behind us and allow the Atonement to work its miracle in our lives. No matter how dark and dreary our pasts may be, we can change and be healed through our Savior.

Life is a progression. We learn from our mistakes and if we put in the effort and if we are sincere we can change for the better. A quote I read recently says "no pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God...and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father in Heaven." I know this to be true and I am a witness of it.

I am so grateful for the blessings in my life. I have been blessed with literal angels in my life. People who have come into my life and shown me christlike love. People who I cherish and respect. People who understand the Atonement and who have taught me priceless lessons. People who have helped to bring happiness back into my life. People who see me for who I am and who I am striving to be. I love you. I am grateful for my children and their sweet spirits. They love me unconditionally and I love them. They are my little angels.

Today my heart is full and I owe it all to my Savior. I will have hard and trying days ahead of me. But I know that no matter what comes my way, I can find peace and healing through the Atonement.

Trust in God

"for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day" Alma 36:3

I read this scripture this morning and it brought me a lot of comfort. Sometimes, when facing a trial, we try to put our trust and confidence in the "arm of the flesh". We attempt to overcome our trials on our own or through others. Although other people are vital to our success, it is God who we need to put our complete trust in. We are his children and he loves us. He knows our strengths and weaknesses. He knows how we think and react. He is our Father. He is completely reliable and trustworthy. He is truth and light. Therefore, when faced with a trial, he is the one who can heal and comfort.

Russell M. Ballard of the Quorom of the Twelve Apostles for the LDS church recently spoke about overcoming trials and addictions in a church conference. He said that the most important thing we can do when faced with a trial is to fervently pray to our Heavenly Father. Fervent is described as having or showing great warmth or intensity of spirit, feeling, and enthusiasm. So ask yourself, how do my prayers compare to that description? Do I really believe that God is listening to my fervent prayers? Do I believe that God can heal me?

I know that God can heal anything if we put our trust in him and fervently pray for his help. It may not come in our timeframe. Answers may come in ways we don't expect. But his presence will be felt. It is undeniable. It is wonderful. It is how God intends it to be. I KNOW that he lives and he cares for us. He wants us to be happy and his greatest desire is to help us return to him. I know that if we go to our knees and give thanks to our Heavenly Father and fervently pray for his help, he will help us through ANYTHING.

I have seen this in my life. Every day he shows me that he loves me and that he is there. Trust in God. He is the ONLY one that will never falter. He will never leave you alone. He will never give up on you. Even when, for a time, you have given up on yourself, he will be there to lift you up. He is real, he lives, and he is waiting. Get on your knees :)

Keep Going

It has been a blogging drought for me. I have missed the past couple weeks so I am happy to be able to share my feelings today. I hope I am able to share them clearly.

LDS General Conference is always a blessing to listen to. You can always find a message that you can relate to your personal life. As I listened this weekend, the message that came to me was "keep going". When you have made big mistakes in your life, listening to prophets and apostles speak about the effects of sin can be a very painful reminder. You listen to them speak about how you are supposed to live and realize how, in the past, you did not live right. Those feelings of guilt, self-doubt, fear, shame, and misery can come flooding back. Even when you are living righteously, the past can come back to haunt you. This can be very difficult and hard to avoid. But although it is very difficult, the message that the Lord's servants have for us is to keep going, never give up, and rely on the Savior. We can change, we can make good decisions, we can be forgiven. We just need to KEEP GOING.

During a hard trial we may go through a long stretch of happiness and "easy days". These days are a blessing and help us to realize we are making good decisions and that we are on the right path. But we will inevitably have very difficult days still. We will have reminders of our mistakes. We will have emotional days that test our endurance and obedience. These hard days are a test for us. They are opportunities for us to make the right decisions. They are opportunities for us to do what is right. I strongly believe that without difficult trials and times in this life, we will never become who we need to be. We will never reach our full potential unless we have to fight for it. That is why it is so important that we KEEP GOING. There is nothing in this life that we cannot overcome. Yes, we can make the wrong decisions. We can give up or give in. We can call it quits. But it is not worth it. If we just keep going, keep being obedient, keep making right decisions, it will all work out in the end and we will be happy and peaceful.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't beat yourself up. That will only make it harder. Look for the good in yourself and use these reminders of your past to make you stronger. Our Heavenly Father loves us so much. We can be forgiven for our sins. We can be comforted during times of pain. We can overcome any type of addiction. We can make it through ANY trial. But it is only in and through the atonement of Jesus Christ and by following his teachings. Strive to do better and be better. Look to improve upon your weaknesses. You will be happy as you do what is right and KEEP GOING!

Finding The Way Back

http://lds.org/ensign/1990/05/finding-the-way-back?lang=eng

I highly recommend this talk for anyone struggling with an addiction or if you know of someone who is. Or if you have found yourself off the path and want to come back, this talk can really help.

One thing I have learned lately is that even through our biggest trials God wants us to be happy. He doesn't want us to live in despair and beat ourselves up for our mistakes. If we are honest with ourselves and others, we can truly feel joy amidst even the hardest trials. Throw in some acts of kindness and service and you will feel peace that you are doing the right thing and you are on the right path. Change is not easy, but like Elder Scott says in this talk, it is not as hard as we may think it is. We just need to make the leap.

I am very grateful for the people in my life and the opportunities that have been placed in front me. I know that if I can find my way back, then anyone can. The road is long and at times very difficult, but it is worth it. Keep fighting. We can all overcome ANYTHING with the Savior. I know this to be true.

Finding Hope

We all could use some more hope in our lives. As we move through life and struggle with our own trials and see the trials of others, we can have hope in the Savior and his healing power. I love this video and I watch it often to remind me that the "book of my life will exceed my grandest expectations" if I move forward with faith and hope in the future. I have made big mistakes in my life, but I can have hope in the Savior that I can someday be forgiven and find true happiness. Forgiveness is waiting for us all, we just need to have hope in the atonement of Jesus Christ. I HOPE for a brighter future. I HOPE for my children. I HOPE for all struggling with a trial. I HOPE for the ability to have the necessary faith to overcome and change. I know it can be done. I know it will be done. Have HOPE my friends.......I know this to be true

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbsU3b2srQA

Craziness

Life is crazy. It is just plain crazy. But with all the craziness comes the reassurance that with the gospel of Jesus Christ we can make it. We can do it. We can find peace and calm amidst the turmoil. I am also grateful for the people in my life who are willing to share their lives with me to help me feel that peace. People who have come into my life and shown me what is really important. Shown me how to deal with the craziness and come out on top. I thank all of you for who you are and what you are doing. There are numerous people who don't even know the effect they have had on me and I thank you too. There are also those who know the help they have been to me and I thank you. Every day as I move forward I thank my Heavenly Father for the people in my life. I will be eternally grateful. I hope to be able to help you someday. I hope that someday my mistakes and my trial can help someone else.

There are so many amazing people around us. But sometimes, you have to get to KNOW someone to really appreciate them. Take the time to listen and learn about them. Listen to their experiences. See the good in them. Learn FROM them. Life is crazy for them too but in different ways and we can all learn from each other. That annoying person at work, the loud neighbor, or a difficult extended family member. These people who we think we can't approach. The people who come into our lives but we don't take the time to get to know. It is amazing what a simple conversation can start. A new friendship, a spiritual experience, or an answer to prayers. In a way, as God's children, we all NEED each other and God wants us to support each other. I have learned this a lot lately and it has affected my life very deeply. I have to be so much better at being approachable and getting to know people. We all have good, helpful hearts. So let's use them :)

To all the craziness, I say BRING IT! There is nothing we can't overcome. There is nothing that can stop us. If we take a look around and forget ourselves, we will see amazing people all around us. Many of us striving for the same things. Peace and happiness. I know that we have a Heavenly Father and a Savior who love us and want us to come unto them. We also have many people to help us and for us to help along the way. I know this to be true.

Children

Sunday night seems to be the best time for me to sit down and gather my thoughts from the last week. But today I am having a hard time pin-pointing exactly what I want to talk about so I'm just going to shoot from the hip and see what happens.

I was with my kids for the last few days and they always give me so many reasons to be grateful. We have a saturday morning tradition of pancakes and there is nothing like opening my eyes in the morning and seeing their faces staring at me and the first thing out of their mouths is "Daddy, we want pancakes!" Every Saturday. When I think of them and then think of going through a trial I begin to understand why it is so important that we become like little children. As a grown man I have the tendency to be prideful and selfish at times. In the past I have let pride and selfishness cause major problems in my life and in the lives of others. As humans we are so naturally inclined to be that way it takes a lot of hard work and consistency to not fall into that trap. I think the biggest reason why the Lord has taught us to be like little children is to help us as we encounter difficult situations. All of us will be confronted with trials. Death in the family, sin, disappointment and fear, sadness, financial issues, marital problems, and many others that can cause great sorrow and pain. But how will we react to these trials when they come? Will we be meek, humble, and willing to submit to the Lord? Or will we be prideful selfish, and without faith? Our reactions to the trials of life determine how we will make it through them.

I can't count the number of times my children have come to me looking for an answer or needing help with something. Our Father in Heaven wants us to do the same thing. He wants us to come to him in humility and ask for help. I know that if we can set aside our pride and selfishness and ask our Heavenly Father for help with a humble heart we can overcome anything. We all have it in us to be like a little child. We just need to reach down far enough and being willing to do whatever it takes.

I have made big mistakes in my life. I have been through and caused enormous amounts of pain. I admit my mistakes. I know that saying it doesn't mean much but it helps me. I know that Heavenly Father loves us all and that we all can change. We all can feel his love as we submit to his will. We are his children. We can make it through anything. No matter how hard it is or how much pain we are going through. No matter if it feels like there is no hope for you. No matter if you feel like you have been given your last chance. No matter if fear, disappointment, and pain feel as though they are going to drown you. We ALL can go to our Heavenly Father and be healed. We ALL can use the Atonement of Jesus Christ to overcome ANYTHING if we allow ourselves to be as a little child and with humility face our trials. I know that we are HIS children and that HE loves us with an infinite, eternal love. If you feel like you have nothing else, know that you have HIS love and HE will never forsake you. I know this to be true.

Charity

Ty turned 3 yrs. old today. It is crazy how fast time is flying by. I will be able to celebrate his birthday with him and Hallie tomorrow and I am looking forward to every second of it. My kids are my angels and they mean the world to me. I wouldn't be able to make it through this trial without my kids. But I also feel that I wouldn't be able to make it without the amazing friends that I have. There have been some unexpected people come into my life that have shown me love that I hope I can possess someday. They are filled with Christ's love and they are people who put others before themselves. They have been an example to me of what true friendship is and I am very grateful for that. So I want to talk a little bit about how they have affected my life and how I need to strive to put other people before myself, no matter the trial I am going through.

Today in sunday school we talked about the Sermon on the Mount. In so many of the Savior's teachings we learn about loving others, charity, service, and selflessness. We learn that we can find the purest joy through helping others. As I continue down the path of repentance and change I am continually amazed at the examples from people around me who possess these qualities. People who have come into my life and shown me what the pure love of Christ is all about. People who are able to look at my situation, look at my mistakes, and love me for who I am and who I can be. I am truly grateful for these people. I thank the Lord for them every day.

These friends have helped me realize how I can find happiness through helping others regardless of my current trial. President Monson has always preached that no matter the trial or difficulty we face, we can find joy through serving others. It is amazing how much peace can come to you when you set aside your own struggles and focus on other people. Even the most simple acts of kindness can bring great spiritual rewards. We are all children of God and we are all created in his image. We are all literal brothers and sisters. No wonder there is such a deep spiritual connection when we offer service to others. We are helping "family". No wonder the Lord tells us to love one another. We are all in this fight together. We can have profound impacts on each others lives through something as simple as saying hello, giving a hug, offering to help, going out of your way, listening to someone, praying for others, and the list goes on. I say this because I have FELT the impact of these simple acts in my life. I know what is like to have someone come up to you and shake your hand, look you in the eye, and say hello. Something that simple has meant the world to me. And I know that as I share other people's burdens, or look for opportunities to help, my burdens can become light.

We have such a great plan laid out in front of us. And I believe that a critical part of that plan is service and helping others. The great plan of happiness would not be if it weren't for this principle. I am going to strive to be better at helping others. I am going to strive to be less selfish. I am going to strive to put others before myself. I am so grateful for the friends and examples in my life. I am grateful for the acts of kindness that I have been blessed with. I know that charity towards others can bring us so much joy no matter the trial we face. I know this to be true.

Will

Today in church we learned about miracles during Sunday School. We talked about the miracles the Savior performed during his ministry and how we can still witness miracles today. The most important principle of the gospel we need in order for miracles to happen is FAITH. I have been praying for miracles every day. Mainly I pray for the miracle of the atonement to manifest itself in my life as I go through the repentance process. Trying to change yourself as a person can be a miracle in and of itself. Sometimes getting out of bed or making it through a day of hardship can be a miracle. During the lesson today I started thinking about that and how everyday we can look back and find a miracle. And I'm sure there are miracles happening that I am not even aware of.

Sometimes we can get caught up in praying for miracles that just aren't happening in our desired timeframe. We pray and pray and never receive an answer. We feel so strongly about something but nothing is happening. Things may even worsen or completely change. I am realizing more and more that to really follow Christ one needs to align his will with the will of the Lord. That is something that requires a lot of faith because we don't know what the will of the Lord is for most circumstances. Faith requires us to take our current circumstances and place them before the Lord and say "Thy will be done". Our faith requires action and we can't just sit and wait, but we can be assured that if we put forth the action the Lord knows what is best for us and things will work out how they are supposed to.

I have gone through and continue to go through pain that is hard to describe. I have and always will own up to the mistakes that I have made. I am suffering consequences for MY actions. But I know that it is the will of the Lord for me to be happy. It is the will of the Lord for all of those affected to be happy. It is the will of the Lord for me not to be like Lot's wife and look to the past but to have faith in the future. We all can be happy no matter what mistakes we have made or what trial we are enduring. It is the will of the Lord for us to change, grow, and leave our pasts behind with hope for a better future. I know this to be true.

Endure

I just got home from a late basketball game in Provo. It was snowing pretty bad and the roads were a mess so needless to say my trip home was slow. This gave me some time to ponder. Basketball has always been a release for me. A way for me to let out some stress and not think about things. I love the game and I always will but lately it has been less satisfying. My mind seems to haunt me even on the court. It's like I can't get a free moment without thinking about what I have done and the trial I am going through. Tonight as I was shooting a free throw I literally heard the voices of my kids in my head from this past weekend as we played together. As I sat on the bench I yearned for things to be different, for another chance at the life I once had. How can I possibly make it through this?

Driving down the icy road at 20 miles an hour made me think of my own life. Right now I am in the middle of a blizzard. I know my destination and I know how to get there but the journey will be slow and at times treacherous and difficult. The snow was swirling at hitting my vehicle from every direction and I thought of Satan and the trials in life as they swarm around us. I imagined my car as the "vehicle" that will get me to my eternal destination. I was warm and felt safe from the storm outside. I knew that if I endured the 20 mph drive home to Cedar Hills from Provo I would feel happy and safe when I got home. The vehicle that we all have to get us home is the Savior. His atoning sacrifice is the only way that we can safely make it back to our eternal home. Although the road my be slippery and dangerous or our vision may be blurred and the travel slow, we can be assured that if we endure it well and rely on the Savior we will return safely. It is so hard when the trial you are going through is self-inflicted. To know that you caused the blizzard and the swirling snow is at times an overwhelming burden. Then you add the avalanches from Satan and those people who want to bring you down and you can feel buried beneath a snow bank. With the help of the Savior and sincere honest prayer we can begin to dig ourselves out. And if we endure the pain and hurt, I know that we can unbury ourselves and we will feel the peace that comes from making it through a difficult time. Our Savior has endured every temptation and hardship we will ever face. He asks us to rely on him and endure to the end and to help others along the way.

I know that no matter what storm or blizzard comes our way, we can endure it with the Savior by our side. He is our vehicle. He is the answer. He is the only safe way. ANY trial that you are faced with can be overcome. I have a long journey ahead. We all have a long journey ahead of us. There is no way of predicting when the storms will come only that they WILL come at some point. Lay it at the feet of the Savior and endure to the end and we are promised peace and happiness in this life and in the life to come. I know this to be true.

Agency

The amazing blessing of agency has been on my mind a lot lately. Through this trial I am learning the importance of this gift that we all have. We have, in our power, the opportunity to make any decision and perform any act that we desire. Every moment of every day we use our free agency.

Sadly, in the past, I used my free agency to make bad decisions. I used this God given power to give in to the temptations of the world. Did God send some angel to me to stop me from making these decisions? No. That is why this gift is so POWERFUL. God allows us to make decisions for ourselves. He will send his spirit, he will make attempts to help us make the right decision, but it ultimately comes down to us. Thankfully, because of God's immense love for me, I have made the choice to follow him. Was it the easy choice? No it was not. It would have been easier to give up, to give in, to allow Satan to completely destroy me. It would be easier not to face this head on, not to repent, not to allow pain and anguish to fill my soul. It would be easier to run away and fill my life with worldly pleasures and cover up how I truly feel. It would be easier to blame someone else, be angry and bitter, and give in to the relentless attack from the adversary on my mind and soul. It would have been easier to give in to the naysayers, the put downs, and the condemning words of others. But I got on my knees, pleaded with God for his help, and have made the hard decision to change. I will tell you that as soon as you use your agency to make the decision to change something negative about your life, the Lord will manifest himself to you in ways you never thought possible. It is hard work and oh man is it painful. You will struggle and fight. You will sink to the depths and rise to the top. But your agency will have been used for good and you will begin to see change. Change that is essential. Change that is eternal.

I have a long road ahead of me still. I have obstacles on my path that will still test all of my spiritual and mental strength. My path to change is not an easy one. But it is worth it. It is so worth it. When I held my kids and squeezed them tonight I felt a love inside of me that changed me just a little more. When I took an experience that happened this week that could have set me way back and caused me immense pain, I faced it with hope and faith and I changed a little more. That's what using your free agency for good can do for you! I know that God is ready and willing to bless us as we use our agency to follow him and his Son. Anything is possible with the Savior. Anything. But we have to be willing to use our agency to make the right decision and face whatever it is that we have in front of us. No matter how hard it will be, it is always worth it to use our agency to make the right decision.

I know that God loves each and every one of us. He loves us so much he allows us to have our own free agency so that we can learn to rely on him to make the right decisions. And when we use that gift to make bad decisions, big or small, we can use that same gift to make the decision to follow the Savior and repent and change. Don't be afraid to take that step. Learn from my mistakes and make the decision NOW to change. Don't wait. More happiness is waiting for you. Your Heavenly Father is waiting for you. Change is waiting for you.

Someday, somehow, we will understand why things happen the way they do. We will understand why we have gone through certain trials or had certain experiences. We will have a clear understanding. In the mean time our free agency is a gift we can all use to do what is right, no matter how hard, and find peace and happiness in a world of turmoil and anger. I know this to be true.