Children

Sunday night seems to be the best time for me to sit down and gather my thoughts from the last week. But today I am having a hard time pin-pointing exactly what I want to talk about so I'm just going to shoot from the hip and see what happens.

I was with my kids for the last few days and they always give me so many reasons to be grateful. We have a saturday morning tradition of pancakes and there is nothing like opening my eyes in the morning and seeing their faces staring at me and the first thing out of their mouths is "Daddy, we want pancakes!" Every Saturday. When I think of them and then think of going through a trial I begin to understand why it is so important that we become like little children. As a grown man I have the tendency to be prideful and selfish at times. In the past I have let pride and selfishness cause major problems in my life and in the lives of others. As humans we are so naturally inclined to be that way it takes a lot of hard work and consistency to not fall into that trap. I think the biggest reason why the Lord has taught us to be like little children is to help us as we encounter difficult situations. All of us will be confronted with trials. Death in the family, sin, disappointment and fear, sadness, financial issues, marital problems, and many others that can cause great sorrow and pain. But how will we react to these trials when they come? Will we be meek, humble, and willing to submit to the Lord? Or will we be prideful selfish, and without faith? Our reactions to the trials of life determine how we will make it through them.

I can't count the number of times my children have come to me looking for an answer or needing help with something. Our Father in Heaven wants us to do the same thing. He wants us to come to him in humility and ask for help. I know that if we can set aside our pride and selfishness and ask our Heavenly Father for help with a humble heart we can overcome anything. We all have it in us to be like a little child. We just need to reach down far enough and being willing to do whatever it takes.

I have made big mistakes in my life. I have been through and caused enormous amounts of pain. I admit my mistakes. I know that saying it doesn't mean much but it helps me. I know that Heavenly Father loves us all and that we all can change. We all can feel his love as we submit to his will. We are his children. We can make it through anything. No matter how hard it is or how much pain we are going through. No matter if it feels like there is no hope for you. No matter if you feel like you have been given your last chance. No matter if fear, disappointment, and pain feel as though they are going to drown you. We ALL can go to our Heavenly Father and be healed. We ALL can use the Atonement of Jesus Christ to overcome ANYTHING if we allow ourselves to be as a little child and with humility face our trials. I know that we are HIS children and that HE loves us with an infinite, eternal love. If you feel like you have nothing else, know that you have HIS love and HE will never forsake you. I know this to be true.

Charity

Ty turned 3 yrs. old today. It is crazy how fast time is flying by. I will be able to celebrate his birthday with him and Hallie tomorrow and I am looking forward to every second of it. My kids are my angels and they mean the world to me. I wouldn't be able to make it through this trial without my kids. But I also feel that I wouldn't be able to make it without the amazing friends that I have. There have been some unexpected people come into my life that have shown me love that I hope I can possess someday. They are filled with Christ's love and they are people who put others before themselves. They have been an example to me of what true friendship is and I am very grateful for that. So I want to talk a little bit about how they have affected my life and how I need to strive to put other people before myself, no matter the trial I am going through.

Today in sunday school we talked about the Sermon on the Mount. In so many of the Savior's teachings we learn about loving others, charity, service, and selflessness. We learn that we can find the purest joy through helping others. As I continue down the path of repentance and change I am continually amazed at the examples from people around me who possess these qualities. People who have come into my life and shown me what the pure love of Christ is all about. People who are able to look at my situation, look at my mistakes, and love me for who I am and who I can be. I am truly grateful for these people. I thank the Lord for them every day.

These friends have helped me realize how I can find happiness through helping others regardless of my current trial. President Monson has always preached that no matter the trial or difficulty we face, we can find joy through serving others. It is amazing how much peace can come to you when you set aside your own struggles and focus on other people. Even the most simple acts of kindness can bring great spiritual rewards. We are all children of God and we are all created in his image. We are all literal brothers and sisters. No wonder there is such a deep spiritual connection when we offer service to others. We are helping "family". No wonder the Lord tells us to love one another. We are all in this fight together. We can have profound impacts on each others lives through something as simple as saying hello, giving a hug, offering to help, going out of your way, listening to someone, praying for others, and the list goes on. I say this because I have FELT the impact of these simple acts in my life. I know what is like to have someone come up to you and shake your hand, look you in the eye, and say hello. Something that simple has meant the world to me. And I know that as I share other people's burdens, or look for opportunities to help, my burdens can become light.

We have such a great plan laid out in front of us. And I believe that a critical part of that plan is service and helping others. The great plan of happiness would not be if it weren't for this principle. I am going to strive to be better at helping others. I am going to strive to be less selfish. I am going to strive to put others before myself. I am so grateful for the friends and examples in my life. I am grateful for the acts of kindness that I have been blessed with. I know that charity towards others can bring us so much joy no matter the trial we face. I know this to be true.

Will

Today in church we learned about miracles during Sunday School. We talked about the miracles the Savior performed during his ministry and how we can still witness miracles today. The most important principle of the gospel we need in order for miracles to happen is FAITH. I have been praying for miracles every day. Mainly I pray for the miracle of the atonement to manifest itself in my life as I go through the repentance process. Trying to change yourself as a person can be a miracle in and of itself. Sometimes getting out of bed or making it through a day of hardship can be a miracle. During the lesson today I started thinking about that and how everyday we can look back and find a miracle. And I'm sure there are miracles happening that I am not even aware of.

Sometimes we can get caught up in praying for miracles that just aren't happening in our desired timeframe. We pray and pray and never receive an answer. We feel so strongly about something but nothing is happening. Things may even worsen or completely change. I am realizing more and more that to really follow Christ one needs to align his will with the will of the Lord. That is something that requires a lot of faith because we don't know what the will of the Lord is for most circumstances. Faith requires us to take our current circumstances and place them before the Lord and say "Thy will be done". Our faith requires action and we can't just sit and wait, but we can be assured that if we put forth the action the Lord knows what is best for us and things will work out how they are supposed to.

I have gone through and continue to go through pain that is hard to describe. I have and always will own up to the mistakes that I have made. I am suffering consequences for MY actions. But I know that it is the will of the Lord for me to be happy. It is the will of the Lord for all of those affected to be happy. It is the will of the Lord for me not to be like Lot's wife and look to the past but to have faith in the future. We all can be happy no matter what mistakes we have made or what trial we are enduring. It is the will of the Lord for us to change, grow, and leave our pasts behind with hope for a better future. I know this to be true.

Endure

I just got home from a late basketball game in Provo. It was snowing pretty bad and the roads were a mess so needless to say my trip home was slow. This gave me some time to ponder. Basketball has always been a release for me. A way for me to let out some stress and not think about things. I love the game and I always will but lately it has been less satisfying. My mind seems to haunt me even on the court. It's like I can't get a free moment without thinking about what I have done and the trial I am going through. Tonight as I was shooting a free throw I literally heard the voices of my kids in my head from this past weekend as we played together. As I sat on the bench I yearned for things to be different, for another chance at the life I once had. How can I possibly make it through this?

Driving down the icy road at 20 miles an hour made me think of my own life. Right now I am in the middle of a blizzard. I know my destination and I know how to get there but the journey will be slow and at times treacherous and difficult. The snow was swirling at hitting my vehicle from every direction and I thought of Satan and the trials in life as they swarm around us. I imagined my car as the "vehicle" that will get me to my eternal destination. I was warm and felt safe from the storm outside. I knew that if I endured the 20 mph drive home to Cedar Hills from Provo I would feel happy and safe when I got home. The vehicle that we all have to get us home is the Savior. His atoning sacrifice is the only way that we can safely make it back to our eternal home. Although the road my be slippery and dangerous or our vision may be blurred and the travel slow, we can be assured that if we endure it well and rely on the Savior we will return safely. It is so hard when the trial you are going through is self-inflicted. To know that you caused the blizzard and the swirling snow is at times an overwhelming burden. Then you add the avalanches from Satan and those people who want to bring you down and you can feel buried beneath a snow bank. With the help of the Savior and sincere honest prayer we can begin to dig ourselves out. And if we endure the pain and hurt, I know that we can unbury ourselves and we will feel the peace that comes from making it through a difficult time. Our Savior has endured every temptation and hardship we will ever face. He asks us to rely on him and endure to the end and to help others along the way.

I know that no matter what storm or blizzard comes our way, we can endure it with the Savior by our side. He is our vehicle. He is the answer. He is the only safe way. ANY trial that you are faced with can be overcome. I have a long journey ahead. We all have a long journey ahead of us. There is no way of predicting when the storms will come only that they WILL come at some point. Lay it at the feet of the Savior and endure to the end and we are promised peace and happiness in this life and in the life to come. I know this to be true.

Agency

The amazing blessing of agency has been on my mind a lot lately. Through this trial I am learning the importance of this gift that we all have. We have, in our power, the opportunity to make any decision and perform any act that we desire. Every moment of every day we use our free agency.

Sadly, in the past, I used my free agency to make bad decisions. I used this God given power to give in to the temptations of the world. Did God send some angel to me to stop me from making these decisions? No. That is why this gift is so POWERFUL. God allows us to make decisions for ourselves. He will send his spirit, he will make attempts to help us make the right decision, but it ultimately comes down to us. Thankfully, because of God's immense love for me, I have made the choice to follow him. Was it the easy choice? No it was not. It would have been easier to give up, to give in, to allow Satan to completely destroy me. It would be easier not to face this head on, not to repent, not to allow pain and anguish to fill my soul. It would be easier to run away and fill my life with worldly pleasures and cover up how I truly feel. It would be easier to blame someone else, be angry and bitter, and give in to the relentless attack from the adversary on my mind and soul. It would have been easier to give in to the naysayers, the put downs, and the condemning words of others. But I got on my knees, pleaded with God for his help, and have made the hard decision to change. I will tell you that as soon as you use your agency to make the decision to change something negative about your life, the Lord will manifest himself to you in ways you never thought possible. It is hard work and oh man is it painful. You will struggle and fight. You will sink to the depths and rise to the top. But your agency will have been used for good and you will begin to see change. Change that is essential. Change that is eternal.

I have a long road ahead of me still. I have obstacles on my path that will still test all of my spiritual and mental strength. My path to change is not an easy one. But it is worth it. It is so worth it. When I held my kids and squeezed them tonight I felt a love inside of me that changed me just a little more. When I took an experience that happened this week that could have set me way back and caused me immense pain, I faced it with hope and faith and I changed a little more. That's what using your free agency for good can do for you! I know that God is ready and willing to bless us as we use our agency to follow him and his Son. Anything is possible with the Savior. Anything. But we have to be willing to use our agency to make the right decision and face whatever it is that we have in front of us. No matter how hard it will be, it is always worth it to use our agency to make the right decision.

I know that God loves each and every one of us. He loves us so much he allows us to have our own free agency so that we can learn to rely on him to make the right decisions. And when we use that gift to make bad decisions, big or small, we can use that same gift to make the decision to follow the Savior and repent and change. Don't be afraid to take that step. Learn from my mistakes and make the decision NOW to change. Don't wait. More happiness is waiting for you. Your Heavenly Father is waiting for you. Change is waiting for you.

Someday, somehow, we will understand why things happen the way they do. We will understand why we have gone through certain trials or had certain experiences. We will have a clear understanding. In the mean time our free agency is a gift we can all use to do what is right, no matter how hard, and find peace and happiness in a world of turmoil and anger. I know this to be true.

Prepared

It seems as though there are many times in life when we have a great experience or blessing and it is followed by hardship. That has happened to me a lot over the past months. My great experiences would probably seem small to some people but for me they have been life changing. But it never fails that the adversary will follow these great experiences with a relentless attack on my heart and mind. Feelings of hopelessness and despair try to overcome me. Typically in the form of mind games. If I am not careful Satan and his lies can have an effect on me. That is why it has been so important that I am prepared for when this happens. There have definitely been times that I have not been as prepared enough or have allowed those thoughts of hopelessness to overcome me for a time. But I am learning from that and I am becoming better prepared.

These past couple days have been one of those times that I haven't prepared myself as well. It is hard, when you are going through a trial, to constantly be positive and upbeat. We will inevitably have some down days. But if we are prepared we will be able to overcome and move forward in our process. There are many things we can do to be prepared but I believe that the most important thing is having faith in the Savior that he can heal, change, and help you in whatever trial you are facing. We all face trials. We all feel the strain of sadness, fear, and uncertainty at times. I know that if we prepare ourselves with the Savior will can overcome anything that comes into our lives. Especially those difficult mental battles that come our way after special spiritual experiences. The fight for our souls is real and we can win with the Savior.

Decisions

This week I have been in South Dakota with my kids visiting my brother and his family. Yep, South Dakota in the dead of winter. Exciting stuff. His boy is going to be baptized today and we are looking forward to a special experience. I have enjoyed the time with my kids and we are bonding. I am grateful for family and for the good influences I have around me. I love being a dad.

I have been thinking a lot about decisions lately and how they effect our lives. Not so much the big decisions but the little ones along the way. Some decisions are so small we don't even realize we are making them. But they can have a long lasting effect on the outcome of our lives. I think it is safe to say that I have made some bad decisions. These bad decisions have lead to a lot of sadness and sorrow. But what I have noticed is that these bad decisions that I made have been the accumulation of many smaller bad decisions. Each day as we wake up and face the world we have a positive influence sitting on one shoulder and the negative influence on the other. Sometimes I like to literally picture that as I go throughout the day making decisions and fighting for what is right. We are constantly being bombarded with temptations from the negative influence. Constant whisperings try to lead us astray. If we are not careful, we can be lead down the wrong path by listening to these whisperings and making smaller bad decisions that will lead to eventual big ones. I am learning this lesson the hard way and I am hoping that my good decisions in the future will change the course of my life. I know that it is possible and that we will be blessed for our good decisions.

President Thomas S. Monson of the LDS church has said that "decisions determine destiny". The decisions we make everday will determine the outcome of our lives. I believe this to be true. The amazing thing about repentance and the need for a Savior is that no matter the decisions we have made in the past, we can change the course of our lives. We can make the right decisions. We can change who we are through consistently making right decisions.

I am grateful for my nephew and his good decision to be baptized today. I am grateful for his example to my kids and that we will all be able to witness this experience together. I hope and pray that my good decisions in the future will lead to what I desire most in this life. I pray that my good decisions will have a positive influence on my kids and on the people who I love. Let's decide now to make good decisions for the future.