Fragile

It has been a looooong time since I have posted on my blog.  So many things have happened I want to share.  But tonight in particular I want to share an amazing experience with the birth of our daughter Lyla Rose.  I am really putting my feelings out there but I feel a strong desire to share.

When I started this blog 3 and 1/2 years ago I was at a very difficult and challenging point in my life.  I had made many mistakes and was working through a tremendous trial as I tried to rebuild my life. I caused a lot of pain and hurt many hearts. Although it was a painful experience, it all has lead me to this point.  I have dedicated my life to change.  I have married THE MOST AMAZING woman in the world and have literally been given a second chance at life.  I have 4 incredible children that I love with all of my heart.  I am able to fully serve in my church.  I have many friends who have helped along the way whom I will cherish forever.  I share  all of this because last night, when Lyla came into this world, I realized more than ever before how fragile life is and how lucky I am that repentance and forgiveness is possible.

Chrisi decided that she wanted to try a VBAC for this birth.  Chloe was a C-section but Chrisi didn't want to go through that again.  We decided on an amazing birthing center with amazing midwives who helped every step of the way.  A natural birth allowed us to experience Lyla's birth very intimately.  When labor finally started we were so excited to welcome Lyla into the world.  Watching and helping Chrisi move through labor and push through contractions was a very emotional experience for me.  The strength that women possess is amazing.  I was able to see first hand the miracle of birth and what women and mothers go through to give birth to a child.  Chrisi gave me so much last night and I will forever be grateful for her.

At the very end, Chrisi was absolutely spent as she pushed one last time.  When Lyla was born, we as parents, experienced the most emotionally draining 5 minutes of our lives.  The umbilical cord was wrapped around Lyla's neck 3 times and she was motionless and her face was a dark, dark blue.  Our midwife immediately placed Lyla on Chrisi's chest, unwrapped the cord, and began performing mouth to mouth.  I held little Lyla's hand and was beside myself with emotions as our midwives worked to get her breathing.  For 5 minutes they helped her as she struggled to get air in her little lungs. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she began breathing and color returned to her face.  I was a weeping mess.  Chrisi was amazingly calm and collected (of course) and was able to hold her little girl close to her.  We sat and cried to together as we shared her first moments of life.  We were so grateful to our nurses who stayed focused and were extremely professional.  I have not been able to stop thinking about the emotions that went through.

Life is fragile.  Lyla was in the womb for 41 weeks and her life depended on that umbilical cord.  And then in one moment, that cord could have taken her life as soon as she came into this world.  I know that many people in my circle have experienced very painful trials and I was only given a glimpse of what it would be like to lose a child.  But I learned last night that every single moment we have is a blessing.  Every single decision we make has consequences.  Every challenge we have in this life is for our growth and development.  I learned once again that God is real and he is watching over us.  Even when we lose a loved one, make a mistake, or go through a physical challenge, our Heavenly Father loves us and is watching over us.  He wants us to take experiences like last night and become better because of them.  He wants us to take the pain we suffer and turn to him for help.

By most people's standards I have, in the past, hit ROCK BOTTOM.  I have been given an opportunity to reclaim many things that I lost and I just want to share that.  No matter what we endure in this life, we can all find happiness! We can all change.  We can all become better people.  Hope is never lost for anyone.  If you feel alone as you go through a trial give me a call! I promise you are not.  We never know when we may be hit with an enormous trial.  But we can make the most of this life by remembering what is most important and giving respect to the small miracles that happen to all of us.  God forgives, hearts can heal, spirits can be reborn, challenges can be overcome, people can change, and love will always prevail.  I have so much more to improve in my life, but I will move forward after last night with renewed faith in not only myself and my family, but in all of us as children of God.  Much love to all of my family and friends and to all of those who are struggling.  Life is fragile let's make the most of it.

Matt

The Little Things

This week I have been trying to focus on the little things in life that bring peace and happiness.  I think of my sweet children a lot.  They are little things that bring me the most joy.  And it is their attitude towards life that helps me look at things differently.  I forgot that one could find so much joy playing with a rock, rolling on the ground, making faces, or jumping up and down.  My kids teach me every day how life can be enjoyed no matter the circumstances.  In times of wealth or poverty, sickness or health, peace or turmoil, we can all look to the little things to find happiness.  It really does help me to occasionally sit down and write my blessings on paper.  I find that most of them don't consist of money or worldly objects, but small and simple treasures that make my life complete.

My trial has forced me to look at life in a more simple way.  In the past I created a lot of problems for myself by making my life too complicated.  Because I forgot to cherish the little things, I lost track of what is truly important and I found myself far from where I needed to be.  We cannot escape the trials of life, but we can control how we overcome them.  Cherishing the little things in life is one way to help overcome trials and feel consistent joy.

Facing New Challenges

As I begin my "new life" I am grateful for many things.  I have been blessed with many wonderful friends and an amazing family.  As I have said many times before, the people in my life are literal angels. One of those being my wife.  I believe that she was placed in my life 7 months ago as an an angel and she has become my wife and companion.  Her and her daughter have changed my life and I thank my Heavenly Father for the chance to be a husband and father.  My own 2 kids continue to be consistent angels in my life who love their daddy and teach me important lessons whenever I am with them.  I love my kids and my family.

Our first few months of marriage have been bliss of course :) and we are excited for our new life together.  But, as life goes, there will always be challenges that we face.  My trial that I went through was very difficult and tested my faith and obedience. It was the hardest thing I have had to endure.  But as hard as it was I am grateful for it because it has prepared me for any challenge that comes our way.  I know without a doubt that a loving Heavenly Father is watching over us.  I know that I will need continued faith and obedience as we face new challenges together.  I know that the Atonement is real and that our Savior loves us.  I believe 100% in eternal families and the importance of repentance.  So my point today is that our triumphs over past trials will help us as we face new ones.  We are constantly learning and progressing.  I believe that is one of the main reasons why we have trials.  To teach us.  To make us stronger. To bring us closer together.

With this election coming up and the turmoil that the world is in, I have been thinking a lot about what is really important.  I am someone who has lost something that was very dear to me because of my own bad decisions.  I lost sight of what was really important.  And now as I have been given another opportunity I will face my new challenges with more understanding.  I will focus more on the little things that bring happiness.  Laughing, conversation, family time, patience, love, kindness, service, etc.

I know that if you are struggling with something major it can be difficult to believe there is hope and happiness ahead.  I have said and I will say again that there IS hope and happiness.  Believe in God and move forward with faith and endurance.  When you come out on top you will be better prepared for the next challenge. And the next. And the next. :) You will be stronger and better.  You will learn and grow.  You will be happy with yourself.  Here's to facing new challenges and being happy!

New Life

I have neglected my blog! Since I was married on July 6th my life has been a whirlwind of excitement and changes.  I feel very blessed to start my new life and have a companion to share it with.  And I have a new daughter!! My kids are close, I am married, and I am pursuing my dreams.  I am grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who has proven his love for me over and over again.  I can now face new challenges of life with my wife and kids.  I can take what I have learned from my past and use it to be a better person.  My past has shaped me into a new, better version of ME.  I am grateful for 2nd chances and my Savior.

I'm going to try and be more consistent with my blog because I would like to keep it going.  It has helped me tremendously to write down my feelings.  Thanks to all those who have supported it!

Truly Blessed

Today I can honestly say that I feel truly blessed.  These past 2 years have been very challenging and yet very rewarding.  My trial has been one of heartache, despair, love, and overwhelming joy.  It has been proof to me that although we have our trials and mistakes, God loves us all and wants us all to be happy.

On July 6th, 2012 I will marry a beautiful and loving woman.  In all honesty I never thought I would be able to meet such a wonderful person.  I have been given a second chance and I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with a sweet, caring woman in my life.  I know that we have been placed in each others lives for a reason.  I know that as we begin our journey together we will be met with challenges...but I know that with these challenges we will be able to grow and overcome through the atonement of our Savior.  I can truly say that I am a happy, blessed person who has literally been given a second chance in life because of my Savior and Redeemer.  I owe my life to him.

I want every person to believe and know that no matter what trial they are facing at this moment, there is help.  Our Heavenly Father loves each of us and there is nothing in your life he can't heal.  Through this blog I have tried to convey the feeling that we ALL have trials and that we ALL can receive help through the atonement.  We are all capable of change, even difficult change, if we allow the help God provides to take affect in our lives. If we have faith, work hard, and trust in God, we can overcome anything!

I look forward to continuing this blog as I know that more trials and experiences will come.  I hope that my experience can help others that are struggling with any sort of trial and that they may know there is hope, happiness, and peace through the Gospel of Jesus Christ

Follow Your Heart

A very good friend told me today that too many times we follow our mind instead of our hearts.  Sure there are times that we just need to use our minds and follow logic.  But when it comes to spiritual decisions, we need to focus more on the heart.

Our minds are very powerful.  We can sometimes allow our thoughts to control our moods, our decisions, and our actions.  And many times we can make decisions based on irrational thoughts or fear.  There is also another key component to this: Satan.  He desires for us to follow him so badly that I believe he can affect our thoughts.    No I do not believe that he can control our thoughts, but I do believe that he can influence them.  The point I'm getting at is that we can talk ourselves out of anything! If we allow our thoughts to spiral out of control we can end up making wrong decisions or rejecting something that is right.  I have struggled for many years with a troubled mind.  I have on many occasions allowed my thoughts to control and consume me.  I have allowed these thoughts to produce fear and that fear has lead to difficult situations.

For many of us it may be hard to find the balance between what our mind is saying and what our hearts are saying.  I believe that the greatest way to overcome a troubled mind is to pray.  As we sincerely pray, we will begin to listen to our hearts.  Prayer can help to ease our minds and help us to focus on what is really important.  I know that our Heavenly Father loves us and he is the one that gave us our incredibly powerful minds.  So who better to help us than him.  We can be assured that our Heavenly Father is listening and will help us.  We cannot allow negative, fearful, pessimistic, and evil thoughts to control our lives.  We must be able to filter through those thoughts so that we can focus on how we truly feel, on what our hearts are saying.  If we truly follow our heart, it will not fail us.  Especially if we allow our Heavenly Father to be a part of our decisions, a part of everything in our lives.

This is a difficult balance to find.  I know that it can be frustrating.  I know that as we include prayer in our lives and decisions, we will better be able to follow our heart and do what is right.  And the jumbled mess that is our mind sometimes, will become clear.  We can cast away fear and move forward with faith.  Don't make your mind your enemy, rather make it an ally with your Heavenly Father and your heart.

Don't Look Back

Once again it has been way too long since I have posted on my blog. I made a resolution to do better and I have failed for the past 2 months. So it is time rededicate myself! Thankfully, life has been very good to me while I have been away and I continue to be grateful for what I learn everyday through my trials.

I have written before about the importance of staying focused on the present. Although it is important that we learn from the past it is also important that we don't stay focused on the past. In my current situation, it would be very detrimental to my progression if I kept looking back. My life has changed dramatically over the past 18 months and yes, some very poor decisions in my past have left me with consequences. But, just because I made a mistake doesn't mean I'M a mistake. I cannot allow my mind to linger on thoughts from my past mistakes. I am a new person with new opportunities. As we go through trials and face them head on, we will begin to change. If we allow ourselves to change we will no longer need to focus on the past. Our futures are bright and filled with hope. Our Heavenly Father has provided a way for us to return to him and it is through repentance. Repentance helps to heal pain, but most of all it helps us to rid ourselves of our past mistakes.

God has too much in store for us to be lingering in the past and focusing on our mistakes. He wants us to come to him and be clean. We don't need to dwell on our past to find this. Just don't look back and look to the Savior instead.