Forgive Yourself

I struggle immensely with forgiving myself. I beat myself up pretty bad. It is like a boxing match sometimes and I am constantly getting knocked down. You can't avoid guilt and sorrow for sin. Those feelings will come and they are necessary for change and repentance. But beating ourselves up for our past is a common tool used by the adversary to keep us down. We, for the most part, are very hard on ourselves and we all need to STOP! Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel but do not allow yourself to be unforgiving.

The adversary wants to keep us down. He wants us to suffer and be depressed. He does not want us to feel the good fruits of repentance and change. The more we hate ourselves the harder it will be to progress. Get on your knees and pray for the ability to forgive yourself and feel that comfort. I know that it is a challenge. I have such a hard time with it. I just tear myself apart sometimes and it is not healthy. God loves us so much and is ready and willing to help. Yes, we need to feel sorrow and we need to feel pain. But we cannot allow ourselves fall into despair and sadness because we cannot forgive ourselves.

I know how hard it can be. I still struggle with it. But I know that as we turn our hearts and thoughts to God and strive to do whats right, we will begin to feel that forgiveness of ourselves. We don't need to be so hard on ourselves and it is ok to recognize the good things that we do and remember that we are good people. Even with the heavy burden of sin, addiction, or physical ailments, we can know that as we strive to change and repent we can feel forgiveness come over us and be confident that we are choosing the right. And if sometimes it feels like no one cares and you are unhappy with yourself, know that God loves you and He wants what is best for you.

Forgive yourself so that you can be free.

Rough

You will have rough days like today. Keep your head up and push through. Focus on the positive and on those things that will bring you closer to God. Learn what you can and know that tomorrow is a new day. Don't give up, no matter how hard it is.

Perspective

I am grateful that I have found a few minutes to write down some thoughts. I am enjoying a bowl of Kashi cereal after a nice shower. Small and simple pleasures like this can really help put things in to perspective. That is what is on my mind. But first I want say again, like I have many times before, that when we go through trials our Heavenly Father uses other people to help us. I am very grateful for the people in my life that have helped me. An important thing to remember and that was hard at first, was that I needed to allow the help to happen. I can promise you that if you are going through a trial, and you allow people to help you, it will bless your life and theirs. It is part of God's amazing plan for us that He puts other people in our paths. Do not shy away from people's efforts to help. When you do this you will be blessed and you will feel strengthened. And you will begin to see ways that you can help others as well.

Now on to perspective. How often in our lives do we lose proper perspective? How often do we allow the events of life make us lose focus? How often do we get discouraged and down amidst our struggles? I have been thinking a lot about that lately because I struggle with it immensely! Through my trial I have lost the proper perspective at times and it has caused me unnecessary heartache and pain. Distracting us and discouraging us are some of Satan's greatest tools! The more miserable we are the harder it will be to overcome and progress. This is exactly what we need to avoid and fight against. We need to fight to keep a proper perspective. How do we view things? What do we believe in? What do we know to be true? These are questions we need to ask ourselves as we deal with struggles, temptations, and difficult trials.

It is important to remember and face the fact that we all have struggles. We all have weaknesses. Try not to beat yourself up! Face your weaknesses head on and remember to stay positive. Do not run from your struggles. Do not run from how things really are. You will end up running in circles. I have had to face my trial head on because it is the only way to overcome. True change comes through keeping proper perspective and making consistent good decisions.

As you go through your trial remember that as you struggle through it, God is preparing you for something better. Keep your head up. Look towards God. Pray to Him and ask for help to see things as they really are and for the strength to endure. Consequences for our actions happen every day. If you are struggling due to consequences of your own actions or the actions of others, know that that is how God intended it to be. So we can learn and grow and change. He wants us to rely on Him and strive to become more like Him. Try to keep that positive perspective and remember all of our trials will be for our benefit if we allow them to and if we keep focused on the eternal plan of our Father in Heaven.

I know what it is like to feel discouraged. I know how it feels to lose precious gifts. I know what it means to feel like all is lost and that there is no hope. I know the feelings of sadness, regret, pain, and desperation. Sometimes we cannot avoid these feelings. But I know that with a proper perspective, combined with faith and endurance, we can overcome and rise above our trials and become better because of it. Our Heavenly Father is waiting anxiously to help us. We have a Savior that has suffered all of our pain. Allow them and those around us to assist us as we sincerely change our lives and face our trials. Keep that PERSPECTIVE. You can make it. You can overcome. You can be happy.

I know it :)

Keep Your Head Up

Today I have been battling some negative thoughts, most of them stemming from my past. At times we battle these thoughts and they can be very difficult to handle. Spending a few days with my kids always helps me to heal and focus on my tremendous blessings. But at times, especially when they leave, thoughts of despair and sadness come over me. They are a reminder to me of a past life and "how things used to be". Although I am grateful for the tremendous trial of the past year and how it has changed me, I still suffer from the aftermath of consequences.

Today during a talk in church, the speaker shared his feelings about how devastating it would be if we were to drive and only look through the rear view mirror. Hopping on the freeway going 65 mph and only watching the rear view mirror would not last long. He related it to life and how Satan wants us to focus on our pasts. He wants us to limit ourselves to who we used to be and not who we have become or who we can be. I realized that I have a problem with this. By nature, I am very hard on myself. I tend to beat myself up and I have to work extra hard to be positive towards myself. Thankfully, through my trial, I have gained more confidence and I am getting better at overcoming this. It is very important for us to keep our heads up and focus on looking forward with faith. Life trials will always be present. They are an important part of God's plan. How we learn and grow from these trials is what counts. Life can be hard, ruthless, and overwhelming. But if we keep our heads up and rely on God, we can be happier because of our trials. That is a hard concept to grasp.

Right now, at this very moment, I am hurting. Sometimes it is unavoidable. I miss my kids, I have regrets, I wish for things that will never be again. I have hope for my future and I know that it is bright. I recognize God's blessings in my life and I am grateful for them. But today is a day where I need to tell myself to keep my head up. I cannot look back or look down. I need to look forward. "In your life their have to be challenges. They will either bring you closer to God and make you stronger, or they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take"- Elder Busche

I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is constantly allowing us to learn to rely on him. He wants us to keep our heads up and look to Him for comfort. He wants us to choose Him.

Blessings

It has officially been too long since my last post. I need to get back on my once a week schedule. I have been VERY busy lately but it has been a good busy. I want to share a few quick thoughts.

First of all, God is good and He loves all of us. I have seen many small blessings come into my life since my baptism a couple weeks ago. I think one of the greatest blessings I have received is a renewed strength to press on and keep my head up. It is such a great blessing to feel of God's love in that way. Feeling strength and determination can lift your spirit and change your attitude. Thankfully we can all feel that extra strength through our diligence. It is available to all of us if we seek it out. And even when we don't seek it out God will bless us with it sometimes! He is very involved in your life and He wants to bless you and help you.

Through my challenges I have been able to see life a little differently than I have in the past. I am trying to see the world in a more positive way. I am trying to see people in a more positive way. My baptism helped me to realize that we are all struggling through this life. We all go through painful situations. Some of us, like myself, may have caused pain. I have a greater respect for people and their individual struggles. We can all help each other! The most precious tender mercies I remember from the past year usually came from the loving thoughts or actions of others. You may not know what a smile or handshake means to someone, but to them it could change the course of their life. Never underestimate the power of doing good to others. I am so grateful for the many people who have shown me the true meaning of love, friendship, and service.

I could go on and on about the blessings that have come into my life. I could also still go on about the struggles that I face. Thankfully, my strength comes from a being that knows how to comfort me. My Father in Heaven. I believe in a living God and in his Son Jesus Christ. Although trials and hardships will inevitably come, I know in whom I trust. We can accomplish anything with Them. I am very grateful for my blessings.

Choose

Today I choose to serve the Lord and to change. In this process, I know that the Lord is with me and will lead me and guide down the right path. I am grateful for the life I have and the blessings that come from choosing to follow Christ. No matter what we face today, no matter the hardships that confront us, we can look to the future with hope and faith in Christ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Cw8I8eukaI&feature=relmfu

This is true.

A New Life

I finally have a few minutes to share some thoughts. This past weekend has been a whirlwind of emotion and was a very special time for me. On Sunday I was able to be baptized. It was a long awaited day for me and I am going to have a hard time describing the joy that I felt. Over the past year I have had this day set firmly in my mind as a goal and it was a relief to finally make it. I know that my journey is not over, but having this blessing in my life again is an incredible feeling.

I have felt inclined to share my experiences and feelings with you over the past year with the hope of being able to help. Over the past year I have gained a testimony of a very important part in God's plan. How He uses other people to help us through this life. My baptism on Sunday showed me how God truly desires His church to be. My ward that I attend is filled with the most wonderful people I have ever met. They have loved me and supported me through this trial and on Sunday they showed me what it means to serve and have charity. I was humbled and filled with gratitude as many, many people from my ward came to support me at my baptism. Enough people to fill the chapel. It was yet another life changing experience for me and I will be eternally grateful for my ward family. I love them. I would not have been able to make it to where I am today without them. I truly believe that in our times of need, God will place people in our lives and miracles will happen. We are all in this together!

I was asked on Sunday how I was able to make it to this point. The only answer that came to my mind is GOD'S LOVE. I have known from the beginning that even with the terrible decisions I made in that past that God loves me. He let me know that. He loves all of us so much. It is His love that allows us to change. His love is what sustains us and fortifies us. If we allow it, His love will by far outweigh the pain and suffering we endure during trials. I am so grateful to Him for allowing me to suffer consequences, but providing a way for me to feel peace, comfort, and strength.

My heart is full as I sit here and look back on my experiences from the last year. I want to say, once again, that God loves all of us and we all can change. I know that the Atonement is real and it can heal. I have a long road ahead of me and I will still have my challenges and trials. But I truly believe that a loving Heavenly Father has allowed me to heal and have a second chance. A new life. He has taken me from the very bottom and carried me back on to the path. I know that we all can feel this love everyday and that we all can tap into the great power of the Atonement. His plan is perfect. If we follow it, we will be blessed and we will grow and become better.

I am going to continue this blog as I press forward and move on with my life. My hope and desire is that people I come in contact with will know that I love the Lord and that I believe in change. I see the world and people in a different way today. My eyes are ready to rest for the night. Until next time.......