Keep Your Head Up

Today I have been battling some negative thoughts, most of them stemming from my past. At times we battle these thoughts and they can be very difficult to handle. Spending a few days with my kids always helps me to heal and focus on my tremendous blessings. But at times, especially when they leave, thoughts of despair and sadness come over me. They are a reminder to me of a past life and "how things used to be". Although I am grateful for the tremendous trial of the past year and how it has changed me, I still suffer from the aftermath of consequences.

Today during a talk in church, the speaker shared his feelings about how devastating it would be if we were to drive and only look through the rear view mirror. Hopping on the freeway going 65 mph and only watching the rear view mirror would not last long. He related it to life and how Satan wants us to focus on our pasts. He wants us to limit ourselves to who we used to be and not who we have become or who we can be. I realized that I have a problem with this. By nature, I am very hard on myself. I tend to beat myself up and I have to work extra hard to be positive towards myself. Thankfully, through my trial, I have gained more confidence and I am getting better at overcoming this. It is very important for us to keep our heads up and focus on looking forward with faith. Life trials will always be present. They are an important part of God's plan. How we learn and grow from these trials is what counts. Life can be hard, ruthless, and overwhelming. But if we keep our heads up and rely on God, we can be happier because of our trials. That is a hard concept to grasp.

Right now, at this very moment, I am hurting. Sometimes it is unavoidable. I miss my kids, I have regrets, I wish for things that will never be again. I have hope for my future and I know that it is bright. I recognize God's blessings in my life and I am grateful for them. But today is a day where I need to tell myself to keep my head up. I cannot look back or look down. I need to look forward. "In your life their have to be challenges. They will either bring you closer to God and make you stronger, or they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take"- Elder Busche

I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is constantly allowing us to learn to rely on him. He wants us to keep our heads up and look to Him for comfort. He wants us to choose Him.

Blessings

It has officially been too long since my last post. I need to get back on my once a week schedule. I have been VERY busy lately but it has been a good busy. I want to share a few quick thoughts.

First of all, God is good and He loves all of us. I have seen many small blessings come into my life since my baptism a couple weeks ago. I think one of the greatest blessings I have received is a renewed strength to press on and keep my head up. It is such a great blessing to feel of God's love in that way. Feeling strength and determination can lift your spirit and change your attitude. Thankfully we can all feel that extra strength through our diligence. It is available to all of us if we seek it out. And even when we don't seek it out God will bless us with it sometimes! He is very involved in your life and He wants to bless you and help you.

Through my challenges I have been able to see life a little differently than I have in the past. I am trying to see the world in a more positive way. I am trying to see people in a more positive way. My baptism helped me to realize that we are all struggling through this life. We all go through painful situations. Some of us, like myself, may have caused pain. I have a greater respect for people and their individual struggles. We can all help each other! The most precious tender mercies I remember from the past year usually came from the loving thoughts or actions of others. You may not know what a smile or handshake means to someone, but to them it could change the course of their life. Never underestimate the power of doing good to others. I am so grateful for the many people who have shown me the true meaning of love, friendship, and service.

I could go on and on about the blessings that have come into my life. I could also still go on about the struggles that I face. Thankfully, my strength comes from a being that knows how to comfort me. My Father in Heaven. I believe in a living God and in his Son Jesus Christ. Although trials and hardships will inevitably come, I know in whom I trust. We can accomplish anything with Them. I am very grateful for my blessings.

Choose

Today I choose to serve the Lord and to change. In this process, I know that the Lord is with me and will lead me and guide down the right path. I am grateful for the life I have and the blessings that come from choosing to follow Christ. No matter what we face today, no matter the hardships that confront us, we can look to the future with hope and faith in Christ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Cw8I8eukaI&feature=relmfu

This is true.

A New Life

I finally have a few minutes to share some thoughts. This past weekend has been a whirlwind of emotion and was a very special time for me. On Sunday I was able to be baptized. It was a long awaited day for me and I am going to have a hard time describing the joy that I felt. Over the past year I have had this day set firmly in my mind as a goal and it was a relief to finally make it. I know that my journey is not over, but having this blessing in my life again is an incredible feeling.

I have felt inclined to share my experiences and feelings with you over the past year with the hope of being able to help. Over the past year I have gained a testimony of a very important part in God's plan. How He uses other people to help us through this life. My baptism on Sunday showed me how God truly desires His church to be. My ward that I attend is filled with the most wonderful people I have ever met. They have loved me and supported me through this trial and on Sunday they showed me what it means to serve and have charity. I was humbled and filled with gratitude as many, many people from my ward came to support me at my baptism. Enough people to fill the chapel. It was yet another life changing experience for me and I will be eternally grateful for my ward family. I love them. I would not have been able to make it to where I am today without them. I truly believe that in our times of need, God will place people in our lives and miracles will happen. We are all in this together!

I was asked on Sunday how I was able to make it to this point. The only answer that came to my mind is GOD'S LOVE. I have known from the beginning that even with the terrible decisions I made in that past that God loves me. He let me know that. He loves all of us so much. It is His love that allows us to change. His love is what sustains us and fortifies us. If we allow it, His love will by far outweigh the pain and suffering we endure during trials. I am so grateful to Him for allowing me to suffer consequences, but providing a way for me to feel peace, comfort, and strength.

My heart is full as I sit here and look back on my experiences from the last year. I want to say, once again, that God loves all of us and we all can change. I know that the Atonement is real and it can heal. I have a long road ahead of me and I will still have my challenges and trials. But I truly believe that a loving Heavenly Father has allowed me to heal and have a second chance. A new life. He has taken me from the very bottom and carried me back on to the path. I know that we all can feel this love everyday and that we all can tap into the great power of the Atonement. His plan is perfect. If we follow it, we will be blessed and we will grow and become better.

I am going to continue this blog as I press forward and move on with my life. My hope and desire is that people I come in contact with will know that I love the Lord and that I believe in change. I see the world and people in a different way today. My eyes are ready to rest for the night. Until next time.......

A New Beginning

Sunday September 25th, 2011...........

Grateful Thoughts

"When you are physically sick, tired, or in despair, steer your thoughts away from yourself, and direct them in gratitude and love towards God."

We are so very blessed.

Remember How You Felt

As we go about the trials of life it is important that we are able to remember the times our Heavenly Father has blessed us. Remembering these times can help us to make it through some of the sudden temptations or trials that come our way.

After a year of writing this blog I have been through the ultimate roller coaster of emotions. I have felt the deepest pain and some of the greatest joy. Although my trial is not over, I am grateful that I can look to my past and remember the tender mercies the Lord has blessed me with. I still have days where sadness seems to engulf me. I still have days where I don't understand why things are the way they are. I still have days where I feel like peace and happiness cannot be found. I still have days filled with regret and sorrow, wishing that people would know of my sincerity. It is during these times that I look to my Heavenly Father for answers. Many times I find those answers in the experiences of the past year. I can look back on specific times the Lord has helped me and I can know that things will work out and be ok.

Certain parts of my life right now did not turn out how I had hoped. When you put your whole heart into something and it doesn't work out how you had hoped, it is important that you remember to KEEP GOING. You may feel like giving up. You may struggle with understanding. You may feel scared or angry. But we must overcome this and know that if we keep moving forward with faith, we will reap amazing rewards from our Heavenly Father. I know that the Lord has blessed me through this trial because of where I am at today. I am certain that God lives and that Jesus is our Savior. I am so grateful for what I have learned.

I want those who read this blog to know that I am grateful for the support. I continue to hope for the chance to be able to help someone in need. I continue to hope that I might be able to help someone avoid similar mistakes. My life, in our little close knit world, has been on display for all to see. Some of that has been positive, some of it has been negative. But I would not change it now. I will not give up, I will not give in, and I will keep moving forward with hope.

I want my kids to know that I gave it my best effort. I want them to know that we ALL make mistakes and that we ALL can change. I want them to understand the amazing Atonement and how it can and will bless their lives. I want them to know and understand the consequences of making bad choices and how to avoid making serious mistakes. But I also want them to understand the consequences of humility and sincere desire to choose the right. I want them to know that I took this head on, admitted my mistakes, and was able to overcome. I love them so much. I pray that I will be able to be a constant and consistent example in their lives. They have been my angels.

Moving forward I will be able to look at how the Lord has blessed me and find strength. I know that He is waiting to help all of us no matter our circumstances. Never give up in your pursuit to be better and to overcome your trials. It is well worth the FIGHT. God bless you all.

Matt